{ and we'll play summer on repeat;

Friday, February 29, 2008

hello, old friend. 11:15 PM

I understand now.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

hello, old friend. 6:06 AM

and I am not afraid to believe

summer will come again.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

hello, old friend. 11:44 PM

Don't stand too close without apologies
Cutthroat; cut out candid glimpses
and wind me up; I am ready.

- Deathcab for Cutie
------

is immensely pleased with self for sleeping at one am yesterday (today?); I'd been estimating a rough two am and grey faces today.

thank God for sailors and the book of Joshua.
... but honestly-- two to four months?! And you didn't tell me up till now. Omigosh you have no idea how many twizzlers you're gonna owe me.

interesting conversation with blue eyes, last night.
... and your confession has moved me,
I never knew; I never knew-- secrets and seafarers make for a bittersweet kind of aftertaste.
I knew there had to be a reason why your eyes never smiled when you were with her.

... wednesdays schmednesdays.

I believe in giving happy packages.

dear anonymous;

dark blue?
we must have different songs in mind
the last I heard
the room was empty
and you were out with another girl's shoulder.

for the record bella was pathetic in new moon.
curled up and crying isn't my style
maybe stephanie meyer isn't the author for you.

but then again you were free to interpret it
no rights or wrongs in this one
I won't grade this paper for you.

hello, old friend. 5:51 AM

give it a guess.

then roll the ending movie credits

or show me a sign.

hello, old friend. 5:39 AM

okay.

hello, old friend. 3:47 AM

there is a secret in this picture

and it is going out to you.

Monday, February 25, 2008

hello, old friend. 1:50 AM

but I am thinking of what Sarah said;
that love is watching someone die.
-----

my fingers are cold.

today was fun. We got to play charades in class and I laughed until I couldn't sit up straight and had to lean and laugh and laugh exhaustedly on Serene's shoulder.

today I saw one of the saddest pairs of eyes I have ever seen around this little big city.

RJ and Qiu are instant mood-boosters. The three of us + spare time = uh ohhh. We spent the free period bantering over classroom chairs and mock quarrelling over Ben and the merits of friday's white chocolate raspberry cheesecake (only the white chocolate) and our collection of silly songs is growing fast.
we should make an anthology and become famous and wear juicy couture sweats and big sunnies and carry coffee carry-aways like in the tabloids and get names like Nikki and Courtni with an "i".

it's raining now.

I'd like to wait for the afternoon and bottle up the sunlight
and blow it like pixie dust into those sad, sad eyes.

dear stranger in the night;

I could have kept you warm.

[/edit]

dear stranger in the night/anonymous;

if you're going to read between the lines; do it well.

... you said it yourself.

you don't love me for me.

you don't love me for me,

and I told you I'd never change.

[/edit]

no, no.

you've got it all wrong.

... you let me go.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

hello, old friend. 5:55 AM

Emily will find a better place to fall asleep;
----

We've got it all planned out.

Once the 'zams end; we'll kick off the morning with OC reruns and hot, airpopped popcorn and the temperature freezing cold and with the cushions warm around our feet,

later-- sun and sand and surf and beach volleyball with oversized sunglasses and boardshorts and good friends and better laughter,

and, in the evening--
bike rides by moonlight, pancake sessions, impromptu waterfights in the ocean and
glistening skin and bright eyes,
(summer within) and oh; such bright, bright eyes.

Our very own OC clan and the wind in our hair and the setting sun in our faces;

hey look out the window,

California beckons.

Friday, February 22, 2008

hello, old friend. 4:26 AM

Watch your step, love is broken
I am every tear you cry
Save your breath, your heart has spoken
You already have my life

For I am finding out that love will kill and save me
Taking the dreams that made me up
And tearing them away
But the same love will take this heart that's barely beating
And fill it with hope beyond the stars;
Only love

Another day, another sunrise
Washing over everything
In its time, love will be mine
The beauty and the tragedy

For I am finding out that love will kill and save me
Taking the dreams that made me up
And tearing them away
But the same love will take this heart that's barely beating
And fill it with hope beyond the stars
Only love;
Only love.
-----

you couldn't pay me to give up on the idea of childlike faith.

I choose to keep believing in fairytales.

hello, old friend. 4:15 AM

if I hold out my hand

would it change where you're standing now?

Monday, February 18, 2008

hello, old friend. 7:18 AM

cos I roll with the best;
and my girls always shine,
------

hello, world--
you tried tossing a mundane monday at me; but sorry, it didn't work.

"it's a hardknock life for us
it's a hardknock life for us
'stead of playing, we get work
'stead of boyfriends, we get jerks
it's a hardknock life!

don't it feel like the wind is always howling?
don't it feel like the work, it never ends
once a day, don't you want to throw the towel in
and cry in the toilet with your friends (inside joke)

no one cares if your eyes at night get weepy
no one cares if you fail or if you pass
no one cares if in class you're very sleepy
you feel like such an ass... (last note to be drawn out with great relish)"

first stanza was written by RJ; the second and third by me.
It was weird, really-- it just came right off the top of our heads. and then we serenaded everyone willing (or foolish!) enough to stop for a while to listen to us; and my goodness we'd be crunk on alcohol.

I am never touching the stuff.

Us without alcohol = scary enough.

'course, the lyrics aren't not all true. the teachers've been really nice; and hey-- we're not as bad as all that.

... compromises and exaggerations had to be made in the name of Art.

and although yeah, sometimes life kinda gets all urgh;
I secretly think we kinduv enjoy it. (yes- sick! twisted!) And I don't think I'd have it any other way. (not referring to the sick and twisted part.)

Training was decent enough-- long runs spent with Qiu are the shizz. The run passed pretty quickly-- it never fails to amaze me how much we can talk about. Or the stuff we do talk about. Like calculating how long it'd take to somersault around the njc track (4 hours). And the merits of girly sleepovers with comfy pjs and big fluffy bedroom slippers, and ice cream and marshmallows, and teddy bears and chick flicks.

later on my phone beeps nonstop.
and I laugh; hey monday, come and get me.

hey monday.
what a pathetic attempt. honestly, I'm disappointed.
is that the best you can come up with?

harder, better, faster, stronger.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

hello, old friend. 11:37 PM

"when you stand in that sliver of space
that is completely and utterly you;
then you will truly be awesome, wonderful, magnificent."
-Joseph Riggio
-----

thank you, Mr Riggio.
you must be an enlightened man.

... but yes.
friends.

we still haven't gone on quests like we said we would, though.
I'll bet you.
see who can slay the most dragons.

I've decided to find 5 things to be happy about everyday.

So here's today's 5.

1. picking out hershey's kisses from valentine's day
2. friends waiting at the bottom of staircases
3. long talks on stone benches and laughing in the morning sunlight
4. relief
5. messages that shine love, love, love...

thank you for today, Mandaaaa.
and for a person who nearly drowned me (and herself) once-- you're pretty rad. ;D
but I've forgiven you for almost killing me,
and MY inflatable dolphin was Coraline, I swear; yours was Caroline.

hello, life.
hit me with your best shot. <3

hello, old friend. 12:57 AM

sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.
---

I'm in a funny mood today;
not funny-haha, just funny-funny-- weird-funny, jamyourfingersintothekeyboardandscream kinduv funny.

"this is the story of the boys who loved you
who love you now and loved you then
some were sweet and some were cold and snubbed you
and some just laid around in bed

some had crumbled you straight to your knees
did it cruel, did it tenderly
some had crawled their way into your heart
to rend your ventricles apart
this is the story of the boys who loved you.

this is the story of your red right ankle."

that song keeps running in my head.
I've been listening to The Decemberists a lot, these past two days. I'd never really liked them in the first place, so I don't know why I started, but I like them now-- a kind of twangy, bumpkin indie.

On grey suburban nights they make the most apathetic babysitters; but that's all right with me. As long as they can get through the cracks and the crevices in my head and provide a rhythm and enough distraction for me not to pay attention to the tension coming from outside, and the thoughts in my head, I'm fine--
-- I like drowning myself out, I like drowning the outside out,
it works better that way.

maybe if I close my eyes and tap my feet together three times like Dorothy
I can make everything go away.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

hello, old friend. 8:21 AM

love is all.
---

Today was beautiful.

In the morning I received a call from Adrian,

"hey Cara, will you be coming into school from the main gate or the side gate?"

... and when I walked into school, and passed the grandstand; and then I saw them-- the four thrower guys-- with a rose and a pink Valentine.

"... haaaappy Valentine's Day, future sister-in-law!"

you all gave my day a perfect start.
thank you.

My table was never held so sacred.
little red cakes with hearts cut in them; chocolates; blueberry muffins; flowers; letters;
"happy valentine's day, from your millions of admirers!"

thank you all, I love you.

I like watching Ren Jean fall asleep in class, tis fun. :D
but from now on I shall do her a favour (or disfavour, depending on how you see it) and poke her whenever her eyes start to droop like thissssss,
and poking her will be fun too, I'm sure.

... Fastforward, trackup to riiiight after tuition, when I'm heading off for training.

He was waiting at the bottom of the hill; stepped out from behind a postboxesque thing, I can't remember his exact words but they were lovely still, something along the lines of

"I know I said I didn't like celebrating Valentine's Day but..."

... he smiled,
(the sky opened)
smiled and brought out a beautiful, big, beautiful, beautiful bouquet of lilies and carnations and roses and ger-wotchacallems and baby's breath; all whites and pinks and autumn pastels and sweetness.

black shirts and blue jeans never looked so good,
we walked to school-- you ARE a writer, your poem was beautiful, even in its two stanzas, thank you so, so much;

walked through the gates.

Qiu's face all shining with happiness and scrunched up tight,
track cookies and an excess of hershey's kisses,
the thrower guys teasing me--
"hey Cara look our hands're on him!"
our bags laid haphazardly in a corner with the beautiful bouquet and a big red paper heart,
folding leaves into hearts and looking for pictures in clouds,
somersaulting around the track; messy hair, laughing eyes,

so beautiful.

and later when the skies coloured their eyelids with twilight
and the shadows in the corner were whispering;
your eyes were still twinkling lighthouses
your skin was still as warm as summer

and I could not resist, no you had me
closed my eyes to you under lamplight
because some kinds of beauty make the heart break
opened them and wished (again) that I could draw
so I could pencil the starlight into your laughter

never have I seen a gaze more beautiful,
you were a child gazing into Neverland, like
a blind poet opening new lashes to gaze on some wild, wild world
of ancient peaks and asteroids and arcs rising up to Heaven like a hallelujah chorus
Dark eyes, you were impossible
so innocent and invincible.

later on it was us racing up the hill
you winning; I knew you would
and me turning and pretending that I minded
night-kissed hair, the colour of recklessness skidding under our skin and eyes all aglow
we ran down the old enchanted mountain
past the white houses and shadows of lovers
arrived, breathless, at my doorstep and all the while
the night was singing happily ever after

and they lived happily ever after (?)

and we lived happily ever after.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

hello, old friend. 4:18 AM

we do the best we can in a small town,
act like kids in love when the sun goes down.
------

so thank you to all the wunnerful people who came down to support me for Stardust;
for the pictures and the applause and the flowers,

"omigosh you look so nice and we look like we just came out of prison!"

"congrats for getting 3rd place!"

... thank you, lovelies.

Aaaand not forgetting teh two amayyyzing people on the guitar and piano (I just realized that the both of them can play both instruments. How annoying.)-- Gayle and Arnesh; you guys were awesome, are awesome, here's a hug. <3

... I liked Saturday's training heaps; cos Qiu and I got to go for a long run, instead of doing the 3 X girls' route workout. We walked out to the main gate (talking), started running (still talking), ran the route along Serene Centre (still talking), ran around the Botanic Gardens (talking), ran back (...again, talking), and did core and strengthening (yes, needless to say- talking).

We had so much to talk about. And one amazing discovery? -- we're more similar than I thought we were, or ever could be.
I think I bonded with her over that run; even more than I've got to bond with some people over two years.

Our sekrits are safe.

"... Look; we're running through the portal into Fairyland!"

... I made a friend then; a real friend-- not a surface friend-- a real friend; and I think she's beautiful.

here's to second glances.

here's to second chances.

<3