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♥ precious.
la bella vita;

Cara

loves: black and white photography. poetry. vintage stores. thunderstorms. good ambience. fairytales. disneyworld. black kohl and fuschia lipstick. red and purple skittles. turquoise beads. icing but not cakes. might-have-beens. the dandy warhols. within temptation. automatic loveletter. mediaeval baebes. troy. interview with a vampire. the oc. making 11:11 wishes. purple glitter. mermaids. my-little-ponies. magic.

expertise: melodramaticks. eyeliner. laughing. goodbyes. hanging in there.

♥ music on, world off.
shh.

soundtrack to life.

♥ scream(?).
live.

♥ past .
instant time travel

December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010

♥ adieu .
set them free

AMANDA
ANDRE
ASH
DEB
ELEMM
07IP04!
08IP04!
JOSH
KAT
LISA
QIU
RENJEAN


♥ credits .
thankyouverymuch

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Sunday, August 31, 2008
hello, old friend. 1:03 AM

cause I like you,
yeah I like you,
and I'm feeling so bohemian like you;

----

be yourself day 2008.

Be Yourself Day was the absolute shizznit.
I was pretty impressed, actually, that NJC got alldressedup.
I came as Esmeralda; complete with my invisible goat Djali.
my esmeralda blouse was a few sizes too big, though, so I had to go around all day with a safety pin pinned behind it and that was weird and it didn't really help, either, but other than that:
Ash came as a taliban terrorist and Wenloong came as the Joker! (and fyi was super awesome/freaky; he went around in character all day with a sinister grin and this blank look in his eyes OMGZ dude ease up remember what happened to Heath Ledger!) Reuben came as Darth Maul and Wenjia came as Princess Leia, which I thought was pretty cute; Jeremy (himbo much- yeaaah, I'm SO sure goats go woof woof!) came as Zorro and Ben came as Batman. Oh and Serene was my sortuv fellow gypsy and RJ Qiu Yan came as three ninjas- they were ahdorable.

it was crazy terrific; it was, like, Disney Land, only NJ-fied-- there were people coming up to the people in costume with their cameras and going, "oh oh OH can we take a picture with you?!". I'm surprised nobody asked for autographs.



Oh and Cara cannot function without food and sufficient sleep. My tongue gets itshelf twishtedsh.
I was trying to tell RJ that she reminded me of Princess Fiona in the non-ogre form, and:
Cara: No but you see, you remind me of a non fioger ogre.
No I mean a non yoger fioger.
No I mean a non yogurt ogre.
...GAH I mean, I mean- a non-Fiona ogre.
Yes that's it. A non-Fiona ogre. A non-Fiona ogre. (repeats to self a few more times)
RJ: ....
Cara: GAAAHH NO I meant a non-ogre Fiona!

okay, so.
we adjourned to the botanicks for our klass piknik.
I think we freaked a considerable number of impressionable European families out with Djali the Invisible Goat/Dog.
Whenever anyone passed by us; we would gather round the invisible Djali and coo over him and pat his invisible (albeit non-existent) head and go "oh, good boy, Djali, good boy!" and it was so funny-- a whole lotta people did double takes and started rubbing their eyes; and there was this one guy who kept turning behind him to look at us and invisible Djali
and the look of "omg what the hell is wrong with me; why is it that they can see a dog and I can't!" on his face made me crack up.

so the Fourckers set up our picnic in a pretty little gazebo next to Swan Lake and then we played frisbee. I ACTUALLY CAUGHT THE FRISBEE. :DDD
then we sat down and played Shoot Shag Marry, which was a riot.

KKY: Why play Shoot Shag Marry. Let's play Shag Shag Shag!

AAAAND the worst part was; I recorded what he said down in my phone in the form of a text message, so I would remember to blog about it; and I saved it in a format that goes like this: "shoot shag marry. ...shag shag shag!"
and OMZG instead of saving it as a draft message-- I SENT IT AS A TEXT MESSAGE TO A SUPERSENIOR BY ACCIDENT.
mortification! fortunately I realized my horrible horrible error and sent a hasty "OH HELLO SORRY IGNORE THAT MESSAGE" text as a follow-up.
... I digress. so we played that, and we played (oh)fourtified charades and it was really funny.

(during Cara's turn. Cara goes up to act out the charade.)
RJ: (whispers) okay, so this is what you have to act out. (leans in and whispers) ... "teletubby".
Cara: (indignantly, and a little too loudly) what! How'm I supposed to act out "teletubby!"
whole class: .... (groans.)

and then later on sitting there with the fourckers... I just felt this incredible sense of being loved.
I know it sounds majorly cheesy now; but it's trueeee.
the thing I love about 04 is that we're really one big happy family, y'know? we've got no class politics to speak of; and yeah we've got cliques but we all get along with each other and I know we all love each other and everyone just accepts everyone- weirdness and idiosyncrasies and all- and it's crazy amazing and i love it.

okay, so.
later on, I met up with Av and Sarah and Nic!
They haven't changed; not one bit-- and I'm glad. Av and I lost no time in catching up and spazzing away and Sarah was every bit as mama-ish as before and Nic STILL plays the piano like it's going out of fashion.
we went over to mel's awesome penthouse place for the om2g! partaye and it was great. I didn't feel a rift at all. okay maybe just a little-- but there was more love than there was rift and that's good yes?
Julia makes my sides hurt. She could be a standup comedian, I swear! We played I Have Never AND I Have and ooh everybody loves a good scandal.
Also heard from someone something about me said by someone and my reaction was "
whut?". Rumour-mongers can kiss my tracker arse. Gawsh and to think that I used to think the world of you! It's kinda disappointing, really oh and by the way I saw you the other day and you should really avoid the whole shorts+slippers combo if you don't have the height to pull it off.

And then San and Maxy and Av and I had our own little Secret Society Seance in the corner behind the dining table and camwhored a whole lot and I'm not ashamed to say it.
I've missed Av a lot. I'd forgotten how retarded her laugh sounds. :D Love you girlie. I miss writing cliched fanfiction with you.

... I've missed a lot of people, actually.
Specially Av Cheryl Nic Sarah Julia and oh, y'all know who you are-- I loved you so much and I still do.
but I don't regret my decision to move to NJ. not one bit.
I guess I'm pretty blessed; I've got the best of two worlds and I know it.








here's to the nights we felt alive.


Saturday, August 30, 2008
hello, old friend. 3:38 AM

if you read this,
if your eyes are passing over this right now,
even if we don't speak often,
please post a comment with a memory of you and me.
It can be anything you want - good or bad.
you don't have to give your real name.
When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog
and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.











Monday, August 25, 2008
hello, old friend. 8:00 AM


rant in defense.


Nobody, but nobody messes with my mates.

Look, sweetheart- if you've got something to say, then say it to my friend's face- and gosh for crying out loud; using somebody else's name as an alibi is so four years ago.
If there's one thing I hate; it's little girls who let their little infatuations with other girls' boyfriends (note: while the guys are still other girls' boyfriends) play over and over in their little heads like some tin-canny movie (the kind you can get at 3 for ten dollars) and have the audacity to flesh out what little moves they've got in some pathetic attempt to lure the guy over

gosh who're you trying to kid?

honey he doesn't love you
you're a convenient distraction
spell it with me: you're D-I-S-P-O-S-A-B-L-E
and folding him a thousand little paper stars isn't romantic-
it's the last word in stupidity.
maybe when you grow up you'll learn that throwing yourself at other girls' boyfriends isn't exactly the best way to go;
and most certainly not when you run into girls like us,
because honey- we have every intention of making ourselves a pain in your arse.


so back off my friend, please,
and next time; think twice before you lay your fingers on someone else's man
because "boyfriend stealer" would make a nice addition to tomorrow night's menu.


Sunday, August 24, 2008
hello, old friend. 5:39 AM

we must love one another or die.
---

lovely lovely
it's raining outside and everything is grey and remorseful and still and quite, quite beautiful.
I wish I could catch a storm and put it in a bottle and hear the shhhh-shivering of rain against silver pavements and see the miniaturized neon F!L!A!S!H! streaking across the sky like some electric vein.

lit seminar at acs(i) yesterday was pretty neat.
my workshop: The Poet's Fire (From Page To Stage).
we did lots of writing exercises, like when she would bark out a word, any word, and then we had one minute to "just write and not think and don't you dare edit what you write- screw your inner editor".
... I can't say it wasn't stressful; but I was surprised at some of the queer run-on lines that shouted "pick me pick me" and I swear some of them wrote themselves.
Like when she said the word "sun" and I started writing about a particular someone but somewhere along the way (rough approximate: from the second line) the lines morphed themselves into being about another different someone and then somewhere close to the last line it became none of them and both of them all at once, and it wasn't what I expected at all.

sun:
you were my golden apollo
my blue skies your blue eyes your copper skin
freckles like kisses on postcards
and oh god that smile when you
closed up
hung up
gave up
i thought you were the summer sunlight
but you were just a tanning lamp.


p.s we saw Crawshaw again today and some girl wanted to buy his badge.
we so should have played that prank on him.
"hey, can I buy your badge?"
"can I buy your clark kent glasses?"
"...can I buy your shirt?"

DO NOT. CALL ME. AT 3AM. IN THE MORNING.
unless you are standing on a building ledge/in some dire kind of trouble/in need of a listening ear/have been injured/need to talk to me for some urgent reason/have some kind of valid reason/are absolutely sure that I love you enough to pick up the phone and entertain your call
do NOT call me at 3 a-friggin'-m in the morning
unless you have a deathwish.

p.p.s sexy sweet sixteenth, tingker belle. <3 ily.
we three watched Death Race and it was so weird-- looking out at all the heads in the cinema, most of them had short spikey hair (albeit were guys) and I think we were three of the few, few, FEW females in there cuz it was such a guy-ey show but aside from all the gore, it was actually a pretty neat show. Granted, it was one and a half hours of auto carnage- but it wasn't so bad.
I am starting to seriously doubt Maxy's taste. :I Meet Dave and funky orange starzzzzz and lime green and ohmygosh the black/gold Paris Hilton-meets-Missy Elliott stage.
but when I raised this epiphany I was promptly quashed by Maxy and Ting reciting a whole list of the various different phases I had gone through. (I swear you guys added on a few- I don't remember there being so many!)

At the dinner table, Daddy was talking of visiting London for the next Olympics.
(just think-- I'll be twenty over by then! ...suhkary.)
I wouldn't mind visiting London; but I gave him my input-- that I'd much rather go to Breckenridge to ski again and Mum agreed but said it wasn't much point going to the same place to ski again so why don't we try another place? and I said okay and I'd like to learn how to snowboard this time.

okay busy week: straight ahead.
goodbye loves.


Tuesday, August 19, 2008
hello, old friend. 8:09 AM


dearest princess qiu:
here's to your sparkly sixteenth. <3
Hello. RJ+ Serene+ Yan+ I deserve Grammies.
And Emmies and Oscars and Golden Globes-- cuz we pulled off Qiu's speshul birthday surprise awesomely and she didn't even suspect a thing to begin with.
...Qiu, darling. Would I really ask you to walk to the Botanics with me (and then THROUGH it)...all for a slice of apple crumble?
Do I even eat apple crumble?
(Hint: No, and no.)

Anyways.
...we walked a very oblivious, eggstremely unsuspecting Qiu into the Botanics-- and then RJ and Serene were already waiting at our picnic spot with big smiles yelling "SURPRISE AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" and then I turned to Qiu and grinned real big and echoed that too and grabbed her hand to run her to her special surprise picnic spot-- and I swear she was moving like a zombie. Too surprised, hmm, sweet? Don't lie I saw how shiny your eyes were awwww we love you too.

PLUS we ttly got the UK Musical Interlude Orchestra to play for you.
See how much we care?

Emcee: (in heavy Brit accent) Good evening. We hail from the UK, and today we're going to bring you a selection of songs from musicals and Disney movies.
Cara: (turns to Qiu) Translation: Hello, we were sponsored by Cara Serene and RJ, and today we come together to commemorate QL's 16th birthday.
Qiu: .... :D :D

I LOVED TODAY.
They kickstarted everything with an awesome rendition of Star Wars-- during which RJ and I jumped up and starting doing our rad clonetrooper impersonations.
Miss Saigon and Pirates of the Carribean and Bohemian Rhapsody and Lion Kingggg. <3>Photobucket

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And then during intermission the UK orchestra wandered over to our piknik area looking all curious and I was like, "hey we've got chocolate cereal- you want in?" and they were all like "OMGZ CHOCOLATE CEREAL?!" and then zwwoommm descended the flock of hungry brit teenagers.

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We became honorary Rotary Club members. Hello like how cool please.
Moral of the story: Belgian chocolate cereal brings people together.


Today we had an intuhresting discussion about Disney Princesses-- AND we played the Disney Princess M.A.S.H game with my princess poker cards.
Serene's destined to marry the Beast. :/ Sorry luv. It's in the cards.
...Aladdin and Eric = the Disneyfied epitome of ACS-ness.

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...See? I rest my case.

RJ says Eric's the shortest of all the Disney Princes. Apparently he stands at a towering 1.69m which is, like. :/ ...I decline to comment. But then again it's still taller than me; so I'm not one to talk. (it doesn't take a lot to be taller than me.)
The rest insist John Smith looks (and I quote) "...so SJI" but personally I always thought he was kinda ACfied.

Photobucket

We all have, though, unanimously agreed that Snow White's prince (...the guy doesn't even have a name; go figure) probably hailed from Hwa Chong. We don't know why. It's just something in his face.

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gawsh weird conversations much. imagine what it must've sounded like to passersby:
"OMG Aladdin was from ACS. No yeah I'm pretty sure."
"...John Smith was NOT from AC! He was from SJI just look at that face."

...We also talked about which disney princesses we relate to and all that. Y'know how every little girl wants to be a princess? ... Apparently that still holds true for sixteen year olds, too. Or- at least- very speshul sixteen year olds.
Pretty much everyone has decided on their princesses already.
Serene -> Megara
RJ -> Mulan
Yan -> Snow White
Qiu -> Ariel
Kat -> Aurora
...but as for me-- I'm still looking for my spinning arrow.

I've been trying to tally the votes.
Qiu says I'm like Cinderella-- which is a first. I've never been called Cinderella before! When I demanded why, she gave me a puhretty abstract answer which actually made some sense. I don't think I'm all that much like Cindie, though-- I've never been one for the whole let-the-little-birdies-fold-your-bedsheets thing.
RJ said I was like Mushu BUT WE ALL KNOW that RJ always talks junk anyway. (:
Kat's always said I was like Pocahontas.
Yan thinks I'm Jasmine-Pocahontas-Belle.
The juniors think I'm Pocahontas-Esmerelda.
My mum said I'm Jasmine. (yes I asked.)
E once said I was a Jasmine-Ariel-Pocahontas-Belle combi.
...and I say I'm confused.

I used to adore the Little Mermaid-- I went through a longlived Ariel phase a few years back. Little Mermaid jewellery, music boxes, vanity sets, costumes, plush toys, singalongs...you name it, I had it. I miss my Disney Girl books. <3>
Then I grew up(?) and became more Pocahontas-ish and Jasmine-ish, or so people say; and I'll admit I do feel like them at times but I suppose you can't fully stereotype someone based on which princess they resemble the most.
still, I have a penchant for things of the sort-- and if you have a suggestion, leave it in ye royale tagboarde. We'd be happy to hear from you.

Today was so awesome
swaying and singing We Are The Champions, all out of key
and being the Penguins of the Carribean when the orchestra started playing The Black Pearl chasing each other and getting all breathless and flushed and weak with laughter
slowdancing to Can You Feel The Love Tonight
clapping at the end of the concert and screaming "LONG LIVE DISNEY! YEAAAAAHHH!"
and irish jigging!
taking the long route home and singing "this is our generation and we are doomed but we are beautiful" songs like Innocent and Rooftops and Here's To The Night.

oh and me being stupid.
I swear it's almost become ingrained now.
I blame my friends.

RJ: There was a girl named Cara Neo and Bimbo was her name, oh!
B-I-M-B-O! B-I-M-B-O! B-I-M-B-O! And Bimbo was her name, oh!
Cara: NO I'm not a bimbo.
I'm P-R-T-T-Y! P-R-T-T-Y!
P! R! T! T...(realization dawns)... :/ oh.


so yeah. today was beautiful wonderful absolutely amazing jumping up and down screaming hallelujah we are! alive!

kaylie kawaii--- here's to a magical year ahead.
you know I love you and yes we'll always be princesses.

xoxo,
C.





Saturday, August 16, 2008
hello, old friend. 12:58 AM

one last touch and then you'll go
and you'll pretend that it meant something so much more
but it was vile and it was cheap
and you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me
----

HELLO.

Emo is over. You can all go home now.

yesterday was loverly!
ikea with Serene and RJ. We had icecream cones (vanilla caramel, hurrah) and walked around the model bedrooms and gawsh they're gorgeous.
when I'm a mum I'm going to do my little girl's room up in pink and purple and with white linen draperies and faux crystal chandeliers and with a little dresser just like the kind they have in hollywood.
and then I'll move into her room and sleep in there.

dinner was grrrreat, and we had frozen yogurt, and the lady gave us extra yogurt; just because. :D I love you, Serene and RJ! ...even though you guys totally gave me flak about being a ditz, even though I'm totally not one; c'mon even I can tell a washroom scrubbing brush apart from a giant toothbrush-- and need I mention which two little overgrown kids were going wild in the kiddies' room?

Leonard, Qiu and I have recently started on an after-school/pre-training-starting kinda running thingy. ...I like running with people! I realize that if I can't run with music, I've gotta run with people, else there's little motivation for me to keep going. :/ WHICH isn't a great thing but oh well. We need new routes yaw. I can't believe Ben&Ash ran the guys' route three times over zmg ick. Take a card from our book and run to town; time passes pretty quickly when you're running past crazy big houses and crazy awesome shops.

...the recording session went awesomely.
thank you to my lovely (you know who you are) for making this all happen. I am infinitely grateful.
Harbridge is calling me back for another recording session this thursday-- I'm 'pposed to make a single of the njc/harbridge-composed song, so...fingers crossed!

speaking of fun stuff.
I CAN'T WAIT TILL ASS. WEEK'S OVERRRRR.
Like. It's weeks and weeks and weeks more; which is horrible because it's too long a time to wait to have fun, and it's too short a time to finish revision and aer89ufdiuhfdlk! I ttly had a breakdown outside the GO the other day; thankyou Divij and Serene.
WHO PWNS THEIR GRANDDAUGHTER TO WATCH TABLE TENNIS HELLO.
Cara: (dials phone) "...Hello? Gong? Can I speak to Jana, it's urgent, I need her to email me something for my lit project and--"
Gong: (over the noise of the tv) "-- DON'T DISTURB ME I'M WATCHING TABLE TENNIS NOW"
Cara: "...But--"
(...click, as Gong conveniently places the phone on the chair next to him)
Jana: (in the background) YAY SCOREEE!
Gong: (in the background) ...Did you see that one did you see that one? Nice shot!
(cheers heard in the background; muffled laughter; muffled noise of the Olympics)
Cara: "...Hello? Hello?!"

yeah so I didn't get to speak to Jana so she didn't get to email me what our group needed and-- walla! we're six marks poorer.

...I still can't believe I got dumped for friggin' table tennis.
Like, excuse me?!

I digress. I can't wait till Ass. Week's over.
I mean- we're going to the Marriott again during the September hols; but it won't be much fun(?) cuz I'll be mugging like whoaaa there.
OH WELL it's not as if we're not going back there again next year. :/
By which time I'll be taking HLME and whoo! ...imagine having the liberty to mug for Lit all day lonngggggg just the thought of it thrills me to my toes.
no I'm not being sarcastic.
also- once Ass. Week's over, I'm gonna grab people and party like it's going out of style.
I can't wait.

at least there's ASEAN coming up again. and our mg reunion! <3 okay now enough I think I've had my Daily Dose of Ramble.

XOXO, C.


[/edit]
playclub on august 31st
you know you miss the dancefloor
drop me a text
k love.



Tuesday, August 12, 2008
hello, old friend. 1:32 AM

I know this whole thing's wrong
(I swear it will not break)
But baby, we're invincible.
(I swear we will not bleed.)
-------

current mood: think dull murky rainwater left out overnight.
tags?: journals, italian dishes, why the hell can't I ever learn?!, terrible tuesdays, i shouldn't have said yes yesterday, unresponses, cold hands and movie theatres and twined fingers.

you were the first to ever chart across the map of my palm the way you did,
midnight voice,
and now my distractions have become drug-like and my heart is a cupboard of crevices
and you have carved out your own and branded ______ over the doorway

gosh what do I even see in you?


Sunday, August 10, 2008
hello, old friend. 7:24 AM

OMG there're too many things to blog about.

Okay firstly.
OUTING WITH THE SPASTIC THREE. :D
... I love those two.
We went to the rooftop garden at Vivo and Qiu left Princess Sparkles to look after all our bags and RJ discovered one of my dirrrrty little sekrits. ;)
splashed around in the water because we're hardcore like that yaw. We drowned Princess Sparkles. Like many times. And played mermaids and did starjumps and had smoothies and got matching ____ and ran around (this isn't in order. can you tell?) and played "let's see who can run across the mall without stepping on any of the lines on the floor" and I won but everyone laffed at me.

and then we went to the playground!
zmg I'd forgotten how fun playgrounds can be. We played on the weird seesaw thing and RJ totally bumped me off it and I almost broke my shin on the seesaw, gee thanks much.
walked around toys'r'us! and I got Princess Starsongggggggg. Laugh at me all you want, but I think I'm going into a serious childhood regression thing. I got a my-little-pony dinner plate yesterday and my mum put her foot down when I said I wanted a my-little-pony tumbler too.
anyway. I digress.
We walked around toys'r'us and GAH we're just kids at heart. Like, oversized seven year olds.

who needs summer?; we've got each other. <3 .

...and today.
today was pretty fun
i think i think i think i think
(just maybe)
________!
but you've gotta prove yourself to me first.



okay now dying of x-haustion.
night folks. apologies for incoherence.
peace out.


Thursday, August 7, 2008
hello, old friend. 1:12 AM

We'd drive for hours, if we ever had the time
And the hours turned to minutes when the city kids smiled
It's king versus queen, which side are you taking?
Cause I'll be waiting, I'll be waiting;
----
postedit.

RAHHH and so begins (sort of) the long weekend.
But of course, as in all Singaporean education systems-- no legitimate long weekend comes without a tonne of homework, too.

....I'VE ALMOST FINISHED BREAKING DAWN.
I'm making a special effort not to give away any spoilers, though, especially after I almost got decapitated by RJ for (unintentionally) giving away spoilers.

Cara: I can't believe Jacob ______ (...like I said, no spoilers. sorta.) on Bella's baby!
RJ: Bella had a baby?! GAH why'd you tell me! Now I know she married Edward!
Cara: No she didn't! ...okay so yes she did but it's okay; cuz their baby ended up half-vampire.
RJ: *covers ears* Nuuuuuu so Bella got turned into a vampire oh shut up shut up shut up...
Cara: *desperately trying to make amends* ...No she didn't! I mean yes she did, but then she was human at first and then she became human, and so you don't have to worry--
RJ: *pained expression*
Cara: Okay I'll just shut up now.

I can't believe Jacob ______, though.
...Like hello. S'a little unnatural? ...yeah just a little.
Immature, volatile werewolves.
Maybe Cullen had a point.
But then again- I guess Jacob couldn't help himself. Plus; he gets extra brownie points for sticking around throughout it all- that must've taken some guts.

All things considered- I'm a little sad that the series' over. We've still got the movie coming up, though- and although asdiujfadkljfdk I'm still pretty ruffled over the Robert-Pattinson-as-Edward thing... at least Taylor Lautner's playing Jacob.

...Why're 'rents always against late night calls?
I reckon I'm old enough to get myself into my own messes (and back out again) now.
Oh well we'll wait till Sunday and see.

My life's going pretty good right now-- only it would be better if I wasn't so damn sleepy.
I got up at 5am today for rehearsals and it didn't put me in the best of moods- but unfortunately didn't seem to prevent me from doing my daily dose of stupid, either.

Oh, and in case y'all don't know.
I happen to have been yanked into the publicity team, so...

http://wearepaperplanes.blogspot.com

go on you know you want to.

I know this post is dreadfully disjointed. I am, as of right now, incapable of gathering my bits and pieces of thoughts and reckonings and making them into some passably coherent little narrative. Apologies.

We watched The Ghosts of Rwanda during MI today and I was reminded why I hate watching documentaries/reading the newspapers. (yes, i know it's selfish. I'm working on changing that.)
Dear world-- please stop killing yourself.
I love you so, so much but I hate you for what you do/did/are doing to yourself
stop it stop it stop it
sit down and behave.

congratulations to Qiuuu and Yannn for securing their places in the eggskoh. :D Y'know I love y'all muchly, muchly, muchly.... oh gosh I'm becoming incoherent and Martha darling- I haven't had time to reply to your mail yet, so if you're reading this: hang in there cuz somehow the pieces will fall together. And I love you, you know that.

why's the sky raining I kinda sorta really wanted to run.

okay sleep deprivation does not become me.

and you you you
are a crazy kinda distraction to me
and truth be told- I don't mind one bit.
not
one
bit
cry me c-c-c-contagious
your light is inner-lit.


will update when more eggxitement hits BAM Cara you should really get some sleep.



Saturday, August 2, 2008
hello, old friend. 9:54 AM

I've got nineteen stars that I give your name tonight
And I wanna scream, wanna scream your name
Star light, star bright can save
you're my wish tonight, new dancefloor demidroid.
------


ASEAN NIGHT 2008; TWILIGHT:

was. so. much. fun.
It was way better than last year's oh gosh I'm glad I went.

1700 hours: the girls and I congregated at my place to get gussied up.
vampy makeup, and lots of it.
we're little rad kids yaw.

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attack of the werewolf puppydog.

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Gwen = witchy. She held Ellie's face in her hands and started humming something and then Ellie immediately grew quiet. ooh freaky. don't mess with the girl in platform combats yaw.

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I DID GWEN'S MAKEUP.
does she not look divine?!
i love this look, truly I do; it's so dollhouse meets alice in wonderland meets girl-at-morgue.

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Shu so dsn't suit the whole pale skin/dark eyes/undead thing so I made her up in true Anne Hathaway style, isn't she purty. :)

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we cabbed to the Fullerton, split into 2 cabs- Jae Jesse and I, and Shu Tricia Gwen. (aka the hotties and the notties. Kidding.)
On the way there, I got a desperate call from Shu+gang, who had realized, shortly after getting into the cab, that they had all of seventy cents between them WOW millionaires much?!

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I've missed these two so much. <3 random spazzes.

"yeah I totally agree, like--- oooooh look man cycling with no handles!!!"
"so I was being all weird and stuff and then--- OMIGOSH look that car would make such a good colour if it were a lipstick!"

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this is our vampire face. rawr.


so the six vamps arrived fashionably lately at the fullerton.
woohoo cue more pictures.

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can you spot me? I was playing with the revolving door and I must've spun around in it about 1234509845 times hurrah.

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ex mg drama club girls!

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LOOK I found The Twins. loving the costumes.


and when we went in the strobe lights started p u l s i n g and everything grew dim and dark and lovely.
david martin/david marshall/david martian/i-forgot-his-name from CAP was the emcee and hands-down the lamest one. Gwen says I look like him. ("he's you, only taller and with geek glasses.") I suppose I should be pleased?

then the dancing started, and at first
nobody danced, 'cept Lex and Wyon-- who bounded up on the dancefloor as soon as the music started blasting, and started freestyling there for a while.
and then they saw that nobody else was dancing, so Wyon kinda did some smooth little dancey move (that guy doesn't walk-- he dances) and came up to me and swept a low bow and extended his hand.

and so the dancing began.

... I love dancing in places where I hardly know anyone. It becomes so easy- frighteningly easy- to just throw up your hands and swing your hair across your shoulder and let the music move you move you move you and it's beautiful how you can find yourself lost in the beats and the rhythm and the frantic dancelights.

I especially loved it when the dj played a remix of Low, and at the chorus, the whole dancefloor actually got l
o
w
mmyeah.


then the slow dance segment came and I retreated, hot and flushed and breathless from dancing to Flo Rida and JT and insertrapartist'snamehere, and ventured to the stairway with the girls.

for the record: I do matchmaking and I do it pretty damn well, even if I do say so myself.
Tricia: "Shuuu tell Cara which one you want! Cara'll help you get what you want."
...thaaat's what I do.


and then then then
footsteps
and I could see right through you
but we danced anyway.

leant in and told you that I was a vampire
you leant close and asked me if I was going to turn you into one, too
told me the night made me beautiful
I said I know
you said I was shameless
I know I am. (and proud of it)

...the night passed really fast.
like, no kidding. I think this year's ASEAN ended earlier than last year's. if I had had my way, we would have gone on until the a.m. oh, and there would have been more dancing. dancing with strangers is peculiarly cathartic.

(the looks you give are so contagious
the way we move is so outrageous
i know your scent i know your smile i know your secret
c'mon c'mon c'mon one more--)


I like mingling.
I danced with the captain of the basketball team, which was (at least to me) a pretty impressive accolade cuz I suck at any and all ball games,
and Mr Congeniality 2008,
and Edward(!!), just cuz it tickled me to dance with him at a Twilight-themed gala.

...so the dancing finally ended, and we headed out all flushed and bright-eyed and laughing.

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sweaty love.

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...sorry pris, I had to take this.
just cuz vampires do things like playing the piano. Cullenesque much?

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Check out Tisha's eyez.

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vampyres.


we are;
we are the shaken
we are the monsters underneath your bed
yeah yeah yeah




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this is a picture
of all the people we left alive to go home to their families.
(we'll be seeing you next year.)


tonight was so much fun
love you, girlies
love you and you too

it's cliched I know
but baby it's the price we pay to get the things we want
and I always get what I want
yeah you always get what we want



and every once in a while we become invincible.



Friday, August 1, 2008
hello, old friend. 6:32 AM

"The Historical Whereabouts of Gnomes and Elves, Fauns and Faeries, Goblins, Trolls, Dryads, Sprites, Nymphs, Past and Present"

by Buck Young.

A long, long time ago, the Earth belonged to the creatures of the wood. By creatures of the wood, I mean gnomes, elves, faeries, etc. They tended it and took care of it, played in it, danced and sang in it, cared for wounded animals, worked out disputes between species, sat on mushrooms discussing matters of importance and drinking Labrador tea, rode down streams on leaves and bark, parachuted from trees on dandelion seeds. This was the world into which mankind was born. These early days, when man was but a newly arrived dinner guest who hadn't yet taken over the house, are fairly well documented in the literature and folklore of the world, so there's no need to go into it here. What I am interested in, and what I am asking you to be interested in, is the question, "Where did all the gnomes, elves, faeries, etc. go?"

The friction between man and the wood creatures began with the discovery of agriculture. With this discovery civilization arose and spread. The forests were cleared to provide wood for shelters and fields for pastures and crops. Mankind had set up camp. No longer just a visitor in someone else's world, he pushed the wild back from his newly built doorstep. At first, this wasn't a problem. There weren't that many people and everyone else felt that it was only fair to allot them their own half-acre to do with as they wished. Some of them even decided to help out. Gnomes moved into the barn houses and helped with the gardening chores. The devic spirits of the vegetables helped humans better organize their crops and plan rotation; taught them the correlation between planetary and lunar cycles and the agricultural year. They taught them to plant radishes when the moon is in Cancer, harvest when the moon is in Taurus. Many trolls felt that the heaping piles of manure were a change for the better, and decided to stick around too.

The rest of the wood creatures just backed off into the wood, occasionally playing tricks on the new settlers, like turning the milk sour, rearranging furniture, tipping cows, tickling people's faces in their sleep and once in a while stealing babies and leaving bundles of wood in their place.

But man's dominion spread (and spread and spread and spread) and the forests got smaller and smaller and smaller. Things got real crowded in the woods, and things were getting worse in civilization. Most farmers weren't listening to the devic spirits anymore. People found they could increase their output by disregarding the needs of the earth. They were raising productivity and killing the soil. Petrochemicals were just a step away. Most of the devic spirits and gnomes fled. The trolls stayed. Today, they live mostly under bridges and in the shallow mucky ditches beneath the metal grating on farm roads that cows are afraid to cross. Be sure to honk your horn before driving over one of these. A troll may be hanging from the grate, swinging over its living room, as they are apt to do after rolling in muck and manure. If you don't give a warning honk, you may run over its fingers, and it's not a great idea to get either your name or your license plate number on a troll's shite list.

Now, there is little wild land left at all, and even that is shrinking at an unprecedented rate. There is simply not enough wild space for all the gnomes and elves, fauns and faeries, goblins, ogres, trolls and bogies, nymphs, sprites, and dryads.

So where are they?

Are they dead?

No.

So, where did they go?

The answer is a bit surprising. They didn't go anywhere. We did. Early humans had an intuitive knowledge of their role in nature, just as bears and raccoons and mice and every other critter does. They understood, from the ways of the wild around them, that nothing ever comes from nowhere and nothing ever just disappears. Things change form. Death is necessary for life to continue. They offered up their kills as sacrifices to the gods of nature. They offered praise, prayer, sacrifice and song to the spirits of the wild, to brother buffalo, brother deer, and brother tree.

Now we know that everything that ever existed continues to exist, in one form or another, and as far as we can tell, they were more aware of that back then than we are now. So, the sacrifice, song and prayer did not ensure the immortality of the slaughtered, either in body or spirit. That was already taken care of. What it did ensure was the continuance of the connection between the spirit of the slaughterer and the spirit of the slaughtered. Killing is risky business. The membrane separating the internal from the external is not necessarily as thick or as clearly defined as we have come to believe. Every time we kill, we risk killing the reality of that thing inside ourselves as well as outside. We risk breaking the connections that lead in and out of the membrane. Taking a life to feed life requires a keen understanding of the natural law of give and take. When we lost that understanding, gave up the songs, the sacrifice, the prayers, we lost the connection. Saying grace is not enough.

When we lose those connections, everything becomes dead - fish, rivers, frogs, mice, even each other. There is no way they can reach inside us any more. The five senses we are left with are not enough. We have given up those connections in exchange for the freedom to clear-cut forests with skidders, turn cows into milk machines and chickens into egg factories. We can experiment with animals, club seals, wear fur, and exterminate entire species. Not a twinge of guilt. The lines have been severed.

And we are all under the impression that it is the forests, the creatures, the spirits and the wild lands that are disappearing from the universe and not us. This is not so. Thinking like that is like thinking that if you stand on the end of a limb and saw that limb from the tree, that the tree will fall and you will remain standing. Bugs Bunny might be able to get away with that, but we can't.

It is we who have fallen away from the real world into a world where we may carry out our twisted sterile dreams without threatening the earth and its inhabitants. Ever wonder why the trees, stones, rivers and streams, birds, bears, frogs and snakes no longer talk to us as they did in the early tales of Native America, the Hindu, the Africans, the bible? It's because we're not around to talk to anymore. Every clear-cut, every vivisection, every mechanized slaughter of cow, pig or chicken moves our dream world further and further from the tree, making a reunification, which is still possible, more and more difficult.

Somewhere not so far from here, in the real world, the ancient forests are still standing, the buffalo roams the prairies, the sky is full of condors, the deer and the antelope play, and dodo birds still wander the sandy beaches, bumping into things.

Where there are still wild lands in our dream world, strong connections still exist. Bridges, tunnels, portals. Occasionally a traveler will get lost in the wilderness and find himself in the real world, returning the next day to find that a hundred years have passed, or never returning at all.

T here are more ephemeral connections as well - brooks and waterfalls where you can still here voices from the other side, if you listen carefully enough... When they sit by these waters, they hear loud clanking and screams. When they eat magic mushrooms, everything stops glowing and condos rise where forests stand. Our children can see their world in their dreams. Their children see our world in the nightmares.

...And there is another connection. Sometimes agents from the other side infiltrate our world in an attempt to expedite reunification. Believe it or not, they miss us over there. Sometimes - more often than you might think - they send souls over to our world to be born as human babies. There are quite a lot of them actually - gnomes, elves, faeries, sprites, etc. running around in human bodies, doing crazy things like writing on walls, working in co-ops, running inns in the mountains, talking to themselves in the streets, making pottery, practicing witchcraft. They are planting biodynamic gardens, sitting in the back yard naked, arguing with satan. They are in asylums pumped full of Thorazine, in a classroom on Ritalin and lithium. They live with Indians. They run recycling centers. They are starting revolutions, corrupting the young, inventing paranoid conspiracy theories, making up religions. They're directing movies, gobbling acid, drinking heavily and writing poetry.

The transition from their world to ours is not an easy one. It's not easy on the soul and much is lost. They may have no idea who or what they are at first. They may or may not find out. They WILL know they are not like other people. They will know that this world is not theirs. They will faintly remember something better, where things made sense and worked like they ought to, where love and magic had the power to heal.

They will know what makes other people happy does not make them happy, and that what makes them happy makes them happier than anyone else alive.

They will see things others cannot see, hear things others cannot hear, feel things others cannot feel, and know things others do not know.

They will laugh a great deal or cry a great deal or both.

They will love humans individually, but have a hard time with humanity as whole, and that will occasionally approach loathing.

They will have a handful of very close friends, and often be very lonely.

They will be unhappiest when forced to act like a human and do things that humans do, want what humans want, or when they are convinced that they actually are one.

Things will not be easy for them. Because of their memories of the other side, the world will seem to them a wondrous calliope with just a few teeth missing on one of the cogs. Because of this tiny deficiency, the music is off key, the horses are crashing into each other and the children are frightened, bruised and crying.

The solutions will seem obvious, but no one will listen.

They will repeatedly be punished for shouting FIRE! in a crowded theatre, when the buildings really are in flames but no one else can see....They will get slapped on the wrist for pointing to the EXIT signs when everyone else is running around screaming and trampling one another.

They will be zealous, fanatical and didactic in their beliefs. They will feel utterly confused.

They will have ecstatic visions and babble incoherently. They will be extremely articulate.

They are prone to long periods of silence. They have no idea how to say what they really mean.

They spend a lot of time with children and animals.

They will become drunkards and dope fiends, organic gardeners, soap makers, carpenters, madmen, magicians, jugglers and clowns, lunatic physicists, painter and scribblers, travelers and wanderers...

They will dress in bright colors, frumpy sweaters or all black.

They will smoke too much and drink too much. They will eat only macrobiotic foods. They will develop addictions to Mountain Dew.

They will often be accused of living in their own fantasy world.

They will make great lovers. Yeah, even the trolls.

They will spend too much time either making love or thinking about it.

They will speak to inanimate objects. They will have much brighter eyes than everyone else. They will expect their magic to work in this world and their love to heal, and will be crushed by this world, and often won't expect it.

It will come close to killing them.

They will visit the places where the connections still exist: the waterfalls, the mountains, the oceans, and the forests. They will draw on all the power they have, and sometimes, sometimes, the magic will work. And everything will be wondrously easy. The teeth will grow back on the cog on the calliope, the tune will right itself, the horses will bob gracefully up and down, around and around, and the children will giggle and sing with cotton candy stuck to their cheeks and noses.

They will spend their days trying to reconnect a branch that millions are busy sawing away at. Often it will be more than they can bear.

While the rest of humanity is busy working on new and more efficient ways to lay waste to the Earth with the push of a button, they are saving it. A handful at a time.

They will share a common conviction that they are the only sane individuals in a world gone mad.


They are right.