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♥ precious.
la bella vita;

Cara

loves: black and white photography. poetry. vintage stores. thunderstorms. good ambience. fairytales. disneyworld. black kohl and fuschia lipstick. red and purple skittles. turquoise beads. icing but not cakes. might-have-beens. the dandy warhols. within temptation. automatic loveletter. mediaeval baebes. troy. interview with a vampire. the oc. making 11:11 wishes. purple glitter. mermaids. my-little-ponies. magic.

expertise: melodramaticks. eyeliner. laughing. goodbyes. hanging in there.

♥ music on, world off.
shh.

soundtrack to life.

♥ scream(?).
live.

♥ past .
instant time travel

December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010

♥ adieu .
set them free

AMANDA
ANDRE
ASH
DEB
ELEMM
07IP04!
08IP04!
JOSH
KAT
LISA
QIU
RENJEAN


♥ credits .
thankyouverymuch

Designer: 01 02
Image: 03
Hosts: 04 05 06
Brushes: 07 08 09 10
Fonts: 11

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Saturday, May 31, 2008
hello, old friend. 12:13 AM

let's keep this short of breath, baby
we'll leave our haloes by the door.
----

Aristal 2008.

yeah can you say whoa-a?
I can.
So whoa-a.

went with the girls, after a whole lotta crazying around at my place.
the crazying around was terriff! red lippie + kohl eyeliner doth a badass Serene make.
and RJ wore my sarong as a kinda turbanesque thing and I put on my coin shawl and we blasted the music with Moroccan beats and she was the snakecharmer and I was the hip-shimmying snake. but uh no pictures of
that. you want 'em, you pay big bucks for 'em!
I have a lurking suspiscion that I was born to go into the makeup/fashion industry but instead I'm probably gonna end up going into law, woohoo me.

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It's not my fault the camera makes me hog the pictures!
gosh why is there a foot on my shoulder. scuse me.

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Schmexy Sereneee.

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C'mon let's play "Spot RJ".
clue: she's got teh green beanie on teh head.

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Vaaaaamp!


anyway, so. Aristal.
the dancing was le awesome.
the only people who can make red jumpsuits sexy? ...yeah that'd be nj dancers.
Red Jumpsuit Apparatus should so hire them like, on the spot. Talk about publicity.

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"Hold me, Jack!"

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Awww.

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Atwood and Cooperrr.

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HAHA. learning point: GG should never be nj-fied, yaw.


oh and I have a new addiction
fast little sleek little fire-engine red creatures with a purr like a kitten's and a drop top roof
can you say temptation on wheels?

little black dress
roof down; arms high
hair streaming in the wind at eleven at night
his sunglasses on the dash
and thunder through his inbuilt stereo
if this is how you spell vicarious
then scream me something like it.


thanks for the ride home, sugar.





(
This town will never see it coming
Dressed like that you’d get away with murder
Ditch the car and hit the ground running
This is just a taste of summer:)


Wednesday, May 28, 2008
hello, old friend. 5:20 AM



I've been neglecting you and I didn't even realize it.

I'm sorry.

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i love you a thousand whipped yogurts with vanilla clodhoppers.


...friends, forever?


hello, old friend. 3:22 AM

I remember all the feelings;
and the day they stopped.
-----

hello starshine,
status: still sick.

this morning I woke up bright and early to try and go for a run but I'd only run for about ten minutes before I started coughing big, biiig coughs like whoa, ouch.
grrrr.
of all times to fall sick, Cara, you genius.
should I go for training tomorrow? it might be pretty pointless, seeing as how I'm pretty much useless right now when it comes to running, but maybe if I go, Mr Irwan can give me...oh, idk... a workout that'll make me better? :/
I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

today RJ and Gwen went jobhunting so Kat and I decided to go along.
I took my meds before I went.
"omigosh Cara the well-manicured princess' gonna work part time?"
"hey. my nails may be manicured but I know how to get down and dirty so there."
about every thirty seconds or so one of them would turn to look at me with a funny expression and go, "...why're you here again?"
"uh. to find a job...?"
"but you don't need a job."
"yes I do."
"no you don't you've got unlimited cashflow."
"HA I wish! ... I do so need a job."

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on the way back from the first pitstop at dempsey, it started to drizzle.
then started to rain.
then started to pour.
then started to phwoaaaarrr.

so there we were: four jobless, broke little girls sharing two umbrellas and becoming wetter by the second.
okay, so it wasn't as bad as all that. we weren't broke.
and THENNN just like in the movies! some red car drove by and sent an almighty tidal wave of water our way.
I would've laughed only it totally isn't funny in real life.

Kat borrowed my umbrella to get to her busstop, so RJ Gwen and I huddled under one tiny umbrella and made a mad dash for our busstop... and still ended up looking like drowned rats.
"oh great now I'm gonna fall sick. again."

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unglammmmm!


status: at home.
I've been wandering around the house pulling bottles out of cabinets and crinkly pill packets from drawers and popping/drinking anything that says "for fever" or "flu" or "cold".
I've got so many meds in me, I could open my own pharmacy, I could.

so I shall stay indoors all huddled in the warm blankets and with the fuzzy eskimo negative ion cap my mum bought yesterday and with my tinkerbell mugful of hot, hot water
and snuggle up with my poetry and the green quill pen my granddaddy gave me because it makes me feel like an olden day writer.

this poem made me cry yesterday.


the sister's lament.

I'm addicted to online poetry now
we are a world of writers.




Sunday, May 25, 2008
hello, old friend. 3:54 AM

all that matters, Mary Jane, is your freedom;
-----

warning: this is gonna be a weird post.

I'm sick and I've got diet coke with me now and have just finished watching half a season of O.C, so read this post at your peril. it probably won't make any sense.
so you were warned.

so, yesterday.
mummy and I went to River Island and Studio for some serious retayyylin' and it was so fun.
I think my mum's cool. Okay so she gets flustered a lot and sometimes I get dead mad at her and she positively cannot listen to music above 10 decibels in the car because she gets these weird stress vibes; but still. she's cool.
I think all parents're cool, in their own weird parentey way.

but I digress.
anyways, so yeah. it was awesome being inside the mall and away from the heat. I mean, I love summer and all that- but not the weather here. I wish I could pay somebody to walk around outside for me. :/ okay sorry, princess syndrome. will stoppit.
soooo we did lots and lots of shopping and I got a beach wrap and the cutest little dresses in awesome colours (who said I can't take colours?) and two pairs of shoes because mum was getting tired of my bronze wedges even though I love them to bits still, and shimmery powder and vintage tees. I was in seventh heaven :D because despite what Atwood thinks (that I'm shallow in the deep end), I'm still a girl after all and shopping's in my genes, c'mon.

then daddy picked us up and brought us for a japanese dinner.
the siblings were at A&J's house, so I pretty much had mum and daddy all to myself. Which is nice. I mean; I love my siblings, and all, but it's nice to feel like an only child again.
"our little girl's growing up; she got her first pair of stilettoes today."
I know, major milestone much!

I think I could be a sea elf, I ate so much raw salmon, omigosh.

oh wait.
salmon live in rivers...?

k whatever.

so yeah. hooray for dinners with mum and daddy! I should like ask them to do it more often. yes. damn straight I'm a mummy-and-daddy's girl.
and proud of it.

then today. church.
Ring and Stripes were there! and Ring still has a ring through his eyebrow.
and I was all, "ohmygosh" because they haven't shown up in like what, an eon? yeah so. that was intuhresting. I hope our spanish footballers come again next week.
afterrrrr church I was abducted by Manda and Debbie and the two of us went of for some girltalk over subway sandwiches and diet sodas. which was awesome.
then, for geeky old memories' sake, we went to take neoprints. which was highly embarrassing. but kinda fun. in a weird geeky old way. we laughed so much, and oh gosh
we haven't been that way since, like, four years ago.
and the MEMORIES. oh wow.

I so enjoy being reminded of how geeky I was last time.
and I enjoy (even more) reminding Manda and Debbie that they weren't much better. (okay, so maybe Debbie was. but only Debbie. I hope Manda's not reading this or she'll have me for lunch next sunday.)

I have realizzzzzed.
that Debbie is very OTH. And Manda's very Gossip Girl.
and apparently I'm Gossip Girlesque too because according to Manda, I'm a lot like Georgina Sparks.
like dude? Georgina?
what a name. I can do so much better.

I'm way behind on my Gossip Girl watching, so I had to look it up on the net to see what Manda was talking about. "georgina sparks + gossip girl".

and what I got?
quoted from Michelle Trachtenberg: "I play Georgina Sparks. She is basically the evil bitch from hell."

So wowwww, gee thanks, girls!

sooo. meet my evil alibi.
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and the other (not so evil, but that's debatable) one.
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long, dark hair and lotsa eyeliner.
am I starting to see a trend here?

so yeah. can you feel the evil brunette vibes? growleth.


digressing, again.
please sickness go away. I want to see my friends again.
and I want Summer & Marissa day to come 'round, quick.
I miss my Cooper Scooper. yes I know it's a bad nickname.

training starts again tomorrow zomg I'm probably gonna just collapse on the track after, like, one round chaos has the cutest tops and i need shorts for the beach holiday I can't wait! will you stop comparing me to her? it's kinda annoying doncha know you can't compare the sun and the moon? i want sepia tones and faded rims and sunsets and silhouettes no baby I'm not buying any of that- you want it? well you've got to learn to take no as an answer i smell escada in the air- this summer has got an undertow and i'm gonna let it take me.


Friday, May 23, 2008
hello, old friend. 6:33 AM

HELLO, SUMMER '08!

oh gosh.
It's summer, finally summer. yes, I know technically it's summer all year round here- but now it's summer in all senses of the word: the friends and the parties and the sleepovers and the pictures that'll go in my memory book.

goodbye, exams, and good riddance, sez I.
it's summertime. <3

school was funny today.
I brought Princess Sparkle to school and kept her on my table; and the teachers were cute.
Mr Nah: "ooh look. I used to have one of these."
and in the middle of the bio exam, the invigilator came over and started toying with Princess Sparkle's hair.
"she looks just like her owner."
then I looked up from free nucleotides and polymerase-initiated complementary base pairing and pointed out, "no, I don't have sparkly hair."
"no. but she looks just like her owner. big eyes and streamy hair."

post-exam syndrome is way amusing.

Qiu: *cuddles Princess Sparkle*
RJ: She's just happy that she's finally got something smaller than her, so she can look after it.
Qiu: *protests* Noo. I have lots of things smaller than me.
Cara: *grins* ... Like your chest.

WQ: *picks Princess Sparkle up; scrutinizes* Why's she so...sparkly? *repulsed boyface*
Cara: Because- *snatches back* - she's Princess Sparkle! D-oh.

RJ: So what're we gonna do on monday?
Cara: Sex And The City.
RJ: O_O Sex in the whaa...?

Then Kat (Coop!) and I went to toys'r'us at the atrium. I wanted to get a tiara for Princess Sparkle but they didn't have one. so we ended up at coffee bean with a caesar salad and lots of conversation.

Cara: like, so we were on the phone and he said...oh dang, I can't remember what he said...but he said something; and then I said something.
Kat: Oh. How very descriptive.

and now, come to think about it, it's kinda like that Summer Roberts quote on one of the O.C episodes.
Summer: so there was this hot yardboy. He was in the yard. And he was hot.


I'd blog more but I'm gonna watch the O.C. now.
talk more later, darlings.

ta!






Sunday, May 18, 2008
hello, old friend. 7:38 AM

and this is the way I spent my day,
uh huh; did you too?
----

hello y'all!
I swear, my family's going on some kinda electronic craze thing.
today I came back to find a Wii sitting in the living room and my brother kyaa-ing and hyaa-ing all over the room; and my mum's recently gone gaagaa over some little gizmo that apparently gushes 2 million negative ions into the air; and apparently negative ions're really good for the health. which is why, says the pamphlet, you feel so refreshed when you're standing next to a waterfall- coz it's emitting lots and lotsa negative ions.
yeah so anyway. she was so enchanted that she bought one for each of us. at, like, seven hundred a pop.

hello if you want more negativity in the air; I'll do it, for seven hundred dollars.

mhm, so the whole family's going electronics-crazy but for some inexplicable reason, I'm still not allowed to change my crummy old phone. ):
"you only need the sms and call functions anyway."
mhm, mhm. okay.
I can deal with that. I'm not thaaat much of a princess.

the fifteen minutes before and after church are always the most fun.
I was sitting on the couch with everyone else and then I took out Princess Sparkle so I could play with her;
and the guys just stared.
I swear, time stopped for a few seconds.
it was freaky.

then everyone started laughing.
at Princess Sparkle.
which excuse me is so insulting!
haven't y'all ever seen a my-little-pony before. ):

and then Ethan happened to walk in when I was playing with Princess Sparkle's hair, but at least he didn't say anything; see, some people have manners. I got my New Moon back, hurrah! - and then he borrowed my very thumbed-through, very battered, very over-read copy of LotR. and I forgot to bring his OneRepublic CD but oh well. By the way d'you know OneRepublic's awesome? yes a little commercial break right here. I know they're kinda pretty mainstream, like mtv kinda mainstream, but I love their songs and their lyrics. The lyrics get me every time.

wedding reception at the China Club-- which is an Orientified version of the Tower Club, 52 storeys above ground, woooo.
think rich chinese mafia. I half expected ninjas to come abseiling down from the ceiling. or have a bevy of Zhang Ziyi-esque beauties come giggling around the table, offering rice wine or something.

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met cousin Mark again.
and was trapped against the window listening for all of ten minutes, while he taught me how to sneak beer and all the different percentages of alcohol in beer and how to pass beer off as apple juice.
also learnt how to hide the smell of cigarette smoke. it all sounds very complicated.

"... uh. I'd rather take the easy way out and just not smoke at all."

...and was also grilled on my future career choice.
"so whatcha gonna be? tell me."
"my parents want me to be a doctor. or a lawyer."
"well, so did mine. And did I? hell no! I ended up as a dj."
"woohoo, good for you."
"so let me predict your future. You'll probably end up dropping law, taking up a literature course, taking an arts degree, and going on to be some playwright or actress or someone in my industry."
"omigosh no kidding."
"yeah! coz you're like me. I can see it in your eyes."
"lit and art sound good."
"they do? cause baby we've got the same dna, man; you follow in my footsteps and be the black sheep of the family, aight?"

so... I'm the unofficial future black sheep.
WOO! bright future, much.

the rest of the night was spent making small talk and meeting (more) relatives and pretending that yes, I remember them from ages ago; oh wow, you've been looking so well, you're all grownup now, aye.

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did I mention I love my cousins?
love love love love love.
alex julia cara jon jana. the Fab Five, always. <3

Cooper Scooper's been having nightmares. ): But she's got Ryan now, so s'all good.
s'always nice to have somebody to call at 2am in the morning; hear the groggy "...yeaah?" but not feel guilty coz you know they'll talk to you and calm you down and sing you lullabies till you fall asleep again, and even then they'll hang on the phone just so they can hear your breathing, just so they can be sure you're sound asleep.
it feels a little funny but I'm smiling cause they're happy-- and with Cohen we make the OC Foursome. whichhhh is awesome, naturally.

californiaaaaaa. (!!)


Thursday, May 15, 2008
hello, old friend. 1:50 AM



oh goodness.
I just realized that I haven't updated here for, what-- a few days? which is pretty long, by my standards.

so no, darlings.
nothing's happened to me since the last (emo-er) post, and no, I haven't gone and done anything stupid.

and seeing Ting's post OMG girl we haven't gotten youknowwho's present yet? and it's waaaay overdue. so much so that I think the birthday girl (who was, technically, the birthday girl aaaages ago) has forgotten already.
miss you, let's go out and Imma forcefeed you Frolick.

I...*drumroll*... have been mugging. For Ass. Week.
Oh and did I mention that everyone in 04's really surprised by my psle marks?
"what, so high?"
yeaaahhh, never woulduv thought that the ditz in purple ribbons would've had it in her, hm?
am getting progressively ditzier, I think (peer pressure; social influence); but at least I realize it and acknowledge it and now I wonder if I can be said to be any less ditzy because I actually am aware of it.
it's not my fault, I never asked to be a cheerleader that one time so don't use the "oh she's a bimbo" alibi on me; and cliff-diving from school staircases and dancing around in the middle of the soccer field and having random epiphanies are not silly activities,
on the contrary, they make life a whole lot more bearable.

last night I was watching an episode of Ghost Hunters, where TAPS went in to investigate an old American battleship where three hundred over men died, and which is reputedly haunted,
and in the middle of the show I started crying because I felt sorry for the poor navymen who had been through more than I could ever imagine, and because -even after the hell they had had to go through- could not even have their souls rest in peace.
got some very strange and unsympathetic looks from mummy.
"are you crying over the ghosts?"

today I was watching the OC at one in the morning and I realized:
we've got the whole OC foursome now!
and thissss, m'dears, calls for an OC outing, pronto, once Ass. Week ends.
I can't wait.
and I am going to bring Princess Sparkle along, too.

[/edit]
oh my word, my little sister hid her japanese ovenbaked crackers in my hat.
my HAT! of all places?! >:[
'scuse me while I go rescue it.

[/edit]
mmm OC quotes!

Summer: This is a nightmare. I'm sweating to death, driving ten miles an hour on, like, a rickshaw, listening to this...music.
Seth: Hey. Do not insult Death Cab.
Summer: It's like one guitar and a whole lot of complaining.
Seth: That reminds me of someone else who's doing a lot of complaining.

Seth: How was the mall?
Ryan: Weird.
Seth: Ah, yes. You've really painted a picture for me.

Summer: I was being sarcastic.
Marissa: So was I.
Summer: Which we never were before Cohen showed up and taught us all irony. Jackass.


mmk back to studying.
much love. <3


Sunday, May 11, 2008
hello, old friend. 12:24 AM




get me out of here

I cannot be,
I cannot breathe.



Saturday, May 10, 2008
hello, old friend. 5:07 AM

"your lipstick, his collar, don't bother, angel.
I know exactly what goes on.
when everything you'll get is everything that you've wanted, princess.
well which would you prefer?
my finger on the trigger or me facedown across your floor
well just so long as this thing's loaded."
---


grrr sometimes I wish I looked like a ten year old.
By now I've already been cheated out of a small fortune by gruff busdrivers who absolutely refuse to believe I'm not some vertically-challenged adult trying to get a cheap ride.

I know I'm whining but that's what blogs're for anyway, hey?

so today I slotted my busfare into the coin box thing, and the guy in the driver's seat turns around and fixes me with this venomous look; which I totally did not deserve because hello, I'm just getting on your bus, dude; I come in peace.
"where your card?"
"Um. I didn't bring it...?" (obviously. I mean, that's why I'm even paying you in coins in the first place.)
"I need to see your card."
"I said I didn't bring it."
"no card, then you have to pay adult fare."
"Um. I'm a student. Like, I'm in my school pe, see?"
"I need to see your card."
"I don't have it."

then he just gave me this aggravating look,
so I conceded and had to dig through the vast contents of my vast vast bag for a few minutes to find an extra-- what, forty cents?

"next time you better bring your card first."
"if someone pays you in coins, obviously it's coz they didn't bring their damn card."

grrr.

oh well. I guess it can't be a very pleasant occupation-- being stuck in the front seat of a bus all day, AND travelling the same route over and over and over...but still, he could've been nice about it. If he'd asked nicely, I'd have conceded immediately.


okay enough grousing about busdrivers.

on a lighter note; I am never going to watch music videos again.
every time I hear a really awesome song, I get this incredible mind picture of the lead singer as this amazing, amazing dude with amazing, amazing looks.
then I go onto youtube and watch the music video in breathless trepidation and come off feeling considerably disenchanted.
Lead singers, I have realized-- are always hotter when you don't actually know what they look like.

oh and RJ's tongue's malfunctioning. it gets all twisted and tangly.
first try: "Cara, you've got to listen to pork."
me: huh?
second try: "Oops. I mean-- you've got to listen to pock punk."
me: ... um.
third try: "GAH I meant you've GOT to listen to pork rock."
me: (is dying of laughter by now)
fourth try: "ARGH. I meant-- 'you've got to listen to pop punk-rock.'"

oh and yes, for the record, I HAVE been studying.

need proof? I'm getting right back to it right now.


oh by the way my horoscope says that today: rhubarbrhubarbrhubarb!
the same goes for Qiu and RJ.
and let's just say we've lost all faith in horoscopes.
Qiu got hit on by a pervy old man. :/
RJ...met with her peer tutor, oh wow, hot date much, not.
And me? yeah when I was waiting by the road for daddy to come pick me up; some motorcyclist passed by me, slowed down, gave me this attempted seductive look, half-closed his eyes, and ran his tongue slowly across his lips.

me-oww.

NOT!

that is absolutely repulsive. like, EW.
keep your tongue in your mouth, pervert.

so yeah. horoscopes= so not true.
but if I know us, we're still gonna read them everyday anyway coz they're fun and anyway, who gets tired of hearing "you will meet someone tall, dark and handsome", right?
(i do.)

oh well. on a more serious note,
while it's not completely obvious yet, I think I see the banners and the swords gleaming in the distance
and it's funny how things come looking for you the moment you decide you don't need them.


Wednesday, May 7, 2008
hello, old friend. 8:04 AM

If I couldn't laugh I just would go insane.
If we couldn't laugh, we just would go insane.
If we weren't all crazy, we would go insane.
----

so, so true.

me: you'd better come back from overseas for my 21st birthday!
RJ: ...if you get me two plane tickets.
Everyone: O_O OMG. *goes into a general tizzy* RJ's already planning ahead for her boyfrieeeennnddddd. I thought you hated guys?! (and other comments along those lines. Lots of other comments along those lines.) OMG RJ AND BOYFRIEND. *rhubarb, rhubarb, gossip, gossip*
RJ: *looks a little spaced out* *after five minutes of listening dazedly to the boy-centred rhubarbing in silence* ... Uh no, actually.
I meant one plane ticket for me to get there and one plane ticket for me to get back.

Also, I cannot be deprived of food.
The starvation affects my tongue first.
"Could you help me buy a piece of mawter-welon please?"
"Can someone please make the bright lighter?"

And. I hang out with a bunch of ditzes, ohemgee.
QL: Donkeys?! They go maaaaa.
Everyone: O_O
Kat: No they go "neighhhh"! (!!)
Everyone: *facepalm*




Doncha wish your house was as hot as us?

Today was NJ's annual Track Meet-- and Kat and I were cheerleaders and got to wave sparkly purple pompoms around.
There's just something about pompoms.
Only mine kept shedding; so wherever I went, I left this little sparkly purple trail behind me. You could probably trace my progress from the inside of the grandstand to the track to the edge of the track and back to the grandstand again and up the stairs and... point taken.

I went around shaking my pompoms a lot and dancing around and graffiti-ing people's faces with purple facepaint.
I did my U-G-L-Y cheer for RJ and Serene and got laughed at!
... Actually, come to think of it. I got laughed at a lot.

No, scrap that-- I get laughed at a lot.
Not with, either. At.
I have evil friends. But I wouldn't trade 'em for the world.


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I DID THIS.
Does it not look terriff?


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Only pervy people (aka RENJEAN!) try to take pictures of people's behinds.
And only smart people realize it and turn around in time.


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Fuzzy faces. <3


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Aerius cheerleaders. Go team!


I love watching people run.
The looks on some people's faces = absolute inspiration.
It's all like RAWRRR and you're like whoaaaa.
Go Fourckers! You guys were teh awesome. like whee I wanna run now.

Omigosh and I HAVE AN OLDER BROTHER NOW. :DDD
Which is like YAY! because I've always wanted one but of course I couldn't ask my parents for one, unlike some people who get to ask for younger siblings, because of course there's no biological way the 'rents could produce an older brother for me.

ooh boy I'm tired.
and I still have work to do GAH Cara get off get off!
i'm sick of writing scripts.

and I've been reading too much Sylvia Plath and Yeats and I have never returned a single library book on time because I reread the stories over and over again until they become old friends and you don't give away old friends, do you?

"the only problem
with Haiku is that you just
get started and then"
(by roger mcgough)

I like that.


Monday, May 5, 2008
hello, old friend. 8:27 AM


is looking at pictures of other people's drama productions on facebook.

I have realized
that I miss the stage.

1. I miss the bright round circles of light in my eyes
2. and the vague ambiguity of the audience's faces in the background,
one two three four everyone looks the same
3. I miss the costumes and the props that soon become home
4. the feel of polished mahogany under my bare toes during rehearsals
5. the way everyone falls silent when you get caught up in character during an audition,
the way they hang on to your every word
much in the same way that people listen intently to you at AA and self-help meetings
because they realize that you are dying
and therefore what you say must hold so much more meaning than it would
if you were going to live to be eighty
and live in a white picketed fenced house with four grandkids and a pet golden retriever.
6. I miss the funny warmups that made us improvise with lips and brooms and grotesque face expressions
7. miss suffering for my art
8. miss the applause and the cheers and the silence
9. miss breathing in experience and breathing out dialogue that makes the audience laugh, cry, go home with their hearts riddled through with the little arrows of the little bits and pieces of script and song
10. miss the feeling of being onstage and knowing that Anything Is.

but I guess most of all
I miss having an excuse
to be someone else

to live, breathe, eat, feed off, dream, be someone else
for days weeks months and sometimes even years because sometimes some characters stay with you for a lifetime

they never quite die, even after Stage Night
never quite disappear after the final bow

they stay with you and sneak into the little crevices
whisper sweet sibilant nothings into the echoes of your psyche and
after some time has passed you realize that you have bred a race of vampires
and you can never kill them, no, nor will you want to
if they're vampires then you must be something right out of a nightmare.


can't wait till I graduate
as much as I love sports, my first love will always be the stage and the songs and the scripts and always and ever the stagelights (on or off)
if I had my way, once I graduate I'd join some small liberal arts school
with saints and sinners and queers like me
make a living off poetry and black coffee and onset improvisation




I miss the stage.
I want to go home.


Saturday, May 3, 2008
hello, old friend. 6:40 AM

undisputed champions of the highschool hallway,
----
COLLEGE DAY '08.

PI-pers' PIes!
I have no idea how to type out the little maths 'pi' sign on the compy, but anyway.
Our slogan was the schmexiest ever, hands-down.

RJ, Qiu, Hieu, Kat and I were the unofficial Selling People.
And RJ, Qiu and I (the spastic three strike again!) were the walking publicity stunts for PI-pers' PIes.

It was awesome; I'm too tired to type much so here's a massive photo upload.


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Cara forgets her geek glasses.

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Cara is coerced into putting on her geek glasses.

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"Come buy your PIeeeees!"

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We sold Zile a piece of pie and had no cutlery to give him, so he and his friends just sat there staring sadly at their dessert. So close, but so far. Poor chaps.


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Beauty and the Geek.

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Pravin and his Nerd Angels!

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the Terrible Three. <3

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tres, tres chic.

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The Nottie and the Hottie!

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Aaaand the Hottie and the Nottie.

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Aerius '08.
Because we're the colour of royalty. <3


aaaaand our class was the most profitable class. Go 07IP04!
when everything was over, the Fourckers guzzled down what was left of the chocolate sauce- right from the bottle, ew, go to the class blog if you want the pictures, y'all; my blog will not be untainted by your gross uncouth Hersheyishness.

walking out from school, Qiu Serene and I jumped impulsively from the staircase,
"it feels like a full moon kinda night!"
ran shrieking and laughing into the middle of the school field and spun around and around,
yelled, "...haaaappy dating!" to the couple lying in the corner of the field
ran off again shaking with schoolgirl laughter.

"bye, don't get abducted by aliens!" I tell them when I leave;
"we won't! don't get abducted by elves!"
"...but I WANT to be abducted by elves."

on the way home
Ever Ever After bubbling through the earphones and who knew the little things could be so lovely?
walked the rest of the way home thinking oh wow, I love being me.




I've got my fairytale right here.