{ and we'll play summer on repeat;

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

hello, old friend. 4:25 AM

"...There's a reason why people call us jocks.
For every 100m you run, you kill off 43 brain cells.
We run 8km, four times a week, and that's if we're lucky and training's easy.
You do the math."
---

Okay, so yesterday's training wasn't exactly die X 981209832981.
It was more like hillwork X 10, + drills X many many.
Which, all things considered, was pretty fun and relatively painless-er as far as track trainings go.

This is why I love the long distance team...
(during corework, when all of us were doing the side plank all lined up behind and in front of each other)
Ash: Soooo Lawrence. How does it feel to have Ka Swee behind you?
Lawrence: *oblivious; still complaining about his lower back injury* ...Uhhh. It hurts.
Cara: *gives strange look from side*

(during drills)
Ms Eng: Okay, so now I want you all to do the sidestep. Make sure your hips are flexible. Okay go.
Estelle: *turns to Jade* ...Sooo. Do your hips lie?

Thennnn at the end of training, we all were herded off to do - *groan*- the infamous headstand.
I HATE HEADSTANDS I CANNOT DO THEM PLS.
Me as gymnast = EPIC FAIL.
The last time I actually dared to attempt (operative word: ATTEMPT) to do a cartwheel was six years ago. Back then I was pointed at and laughed at hysterically and told like I looked like a half-dying spider with four legs missing.
I haven't tried it since.
...I blame this all on my parents. If they had let me join Gym back in primary school instead of fretting that I'd break a bone and making me join Brownies instead (I was an imp, srsly wth.), maybe I'd be better at headstands.

So on my first attempt. (I was pulled up to do the headstand next to Hung)
I actually kinda sorta went up!
For about 1/3 of a second before doing a half-flip over against the wall and flopping to the side.
Ms Eng: "Why you always do like that, hah? Every week also you fall to the side and then lie there laughing hysterically"

So being the brave little trooper that I am, I gave it another go.
And kicked up- and stayed there- for about 1/2 a second (hey it's an improvement) before promptly falling on Hung.
In that split second, even in my semi upside down position, I caught a fleeting glance of Hung (who was also upside down)'s terrified face before my left leg came crashing down on her.

Oops.

...Also.

Training aside; school life has been enriched by the existence of the Bratpack. <3

Lisa: (wakes up after Econs lecture, blinks around drowsily) ...That wasn't so bad.

Cara: That's cuz you slept through half of it.

Mei Yan: Whaaaat? (stares blankly at complicated maths solution on whiteboard) How d'you think until like thaaaat???

Cara: (turns to Tisha) (gravely) ...Mathematicians are twisted, twisted people.

Amrit: (in the canteen, when we chose to sit down at the table in the dark corner) Why're we sitting in the dark?

Lisa: ...Because! It's sexy.

Amrit: Ummm.

Today when I was in the washroom, I overheard three girlz and from where I was I heard a high-pitched, annoyingly nasal "ehmeegosh you so faaaaat"

I turned around and the girl being addressed was an absolute STICK.

I kid you not. Any "faaaaat" she had was probably being carried in her bouffant-attempt hairstyle.

My schoolbag probably weighed more than her. I coulduv chucked a toilet roll at her and it probably would've bowled her and her two compatriots over.

...What has Singaporean society done to Body Love???
More on this some other time.

----

last chance, lover

last, chance lover.

Monday, February 23, 2009

hello, old friend. 11:03 PM

Mr Whitby: (on pronounciation)

"...It's PURchase, people! PURchase, not purCHASE. Because if you get purCHASED, you might get purCAUGHT."

----

I have a v weird family.
Don't get me wrong- I love 'em. Love 'em to bits. But still.
Every day-- and I mean every day-- we have (at least!) one blow up in the household.
Usually initiated by my good mother.
I kid you not. > / = 1 every day.
It apparently runs on clockwork, too. I've timed it you see. It's almost as if Mum glances up at the clock every day at 9:14-9:17 and goes "...oh! We haven't had a blow up yet today. fancy that" and then "oh well I guess I'll just have to take it upon myself to invent one" and then she flips open List of Inane Reasons to Get Angry About: A Mother's Guide and randomly jabs a finger at one.
I SWEAR. We've had blowups about the silliest things. One time she made my brother sit down and write the letter "O" for about an hour, over and over, because she claimed his Os looked "too small and feeble".
...Srsly?! Small and feeble Os? So he's expected to write big fat bold Os as in
OmigOsh i feel gOOd
as in this fOOd is sO awesOme
as in lOOney
as in stOOpid
as in nOOb?

...come to think of it, maybe that's how the word "nOOb" came about in the first place. Notice how it's never normal looking like all the other words. It's never "noob", nooo. It's gotta be nOOb; as in nOOb. yeah "nOOb" was probably the linguistic spawn of oppressed little boys who were made to sit down and write "O O O O O O" over and over for an hour by their mums.

...come to think of it...maybe my BROTHER invented the word nOOb!
Now THAT is a scary thought.
But just between you and me- I wouldn't put it past him. He is, after all, a total techie whiz & therefore words like nOOb, CoD, HTML, and MapleStorey actually make sense to him.
no kidding the kid's a regular Bill Gates. 'Cept smaller and without a helicopter pad.

Now.
If my Mum chose to blow up about something that actually made sense, it would be fine.
Like. My room, for example.
Okay so my room isn't actually thaat messy. It just so happens that I use my floor as a closet and my bedposts as clothes racks and the ceiling fan for a clotheshanger and my closet for all the clothes that didn't fit on the floor or the bedposts or the ceiling fan.
I can't help it if I indulge in just a leetle retail therapy every week. And no ftr I'm not a shopaholic. I just have a Healthy Interest in doing my part to boost the global economy.
I'm the one-girl answer to all Obama's economic crisis prayers.

Buttttt digressing back to the topic of chaotic bedchambers...I actually still don't understand how the IGGY board could possibly have allocated Cara Neo and Toni Jackson (not that I'm complaining) to share a room.
Did they not comprehend the epic consequences of such a move?!
...Or maybe they did. Maybe they meant to. Maybe it was all Part Of The Plan.
Maybe they were all "okay yeah well the piping in this room's kinda leaky...and the walls're kinda falling apart... and even the lizards have evacuated the area; so since NUS can't afford a demolishing crew let's just bum Toni and Cara in there and they'll do the job free of charge".

hohum.

Okay now I'd better go get ready for training. time to die X 9823789501.
And then it'll be back to home and a shower and my ~~messy~~ creatively expressed bedroom and then I'll grab my pj's off the ceiling fan and then zzzzzzz.

Sounds like a plan.

Friday, February 20, 2009

hello, old friend. 8:51 PM

"After such distance come to me, precious being, come to me.
After such ennui, come to be delirious, enfold me.
After such a long drought, here's a place for flowers to flourish.
But if you must, and if you must, if you much go, the wind will take you, it will life you across the ocean.
Into the sky, towards the sun, it will take you high."
----

It's Saturday and the day is sun-soft and full of potential.

Last night was a nice reprieve from the waiting.
The Universe can be a bitch sometimes but for what it's worth, it does have its Nice Days, too.
5 months and I'm ever-hopeful. Call it presumptious but I've already marked down the dates. I swear if I don't get in, I'll probably do something drastic and potentially self-destructive.
Sooo if any of you've got any big confessions to make to me-- tell me now while you can or forever hold your peace!!

Today my shin was hurting like @#*&!@ so I rested and then went to the pool with my sister for a swim. It's funny how when we go out, people always assume we're mother and sister. It can also get kinda embarrassing when we two go out with my dad cuz then people also assume that I'm with Daddy and that always makes me feel very odd.
So whenever Jana, Daddy and I go out; I make sure I raise my normal speaking voice by about two octaves and cling to his arm and pepper any and all conversations generously with "Dadddddy".
Just so people get the message.

...which brings me to the topic of me and my sister. My sister and myself. My sister and I.
GP Syntax confuses me.
We were watching ancient century-old home videos the other night and wowzers my brother doesn't belong in this day and age. he belongs back in the time of the Beatles and of retro-pop and flashing disco-balls; that boy's got jitterbug feet!
and OMG I can't believe I was that geeky-looking back in the day. Okay so maybe I can; but THAT geeky? Those teeth...and those glasses... and I'm not even talking sexy secretary type glasses, I'm talking "it'th timeth to do my math homeworkth nowth *lisp lisp*" kinduv geeky
oh the mortification...
My sister, on the other hand. I don't ever remember her being so adorable but she really was!!
Even at four she knew how to sparkle on camera and she was always the one posing. Dancing. Giggling in the background and waving her hands until the camera panned to her face.
And me? I was always just kinda...there.
The steadfast little girl in the corner with her nose in a book two years more advanced than her grade. The Responsible Older Sister whose main onscreen role was to take the little dancing girl by the hand and say, "...don't go there, s'dangerous." The one who looked straight at the camera and you could tell, even from behind those g-dawful glasses, that she wasn't quite there, was somewhere far, far away...

I'm different now, I know, I've changed.
For one-- I've lost the terrible spectacles. *grins* ...become more reckless, become braver in front of the camera, learnt how to laugh, learnt to look not so damn lost! in pictures.

My sister sparkles and I shimmer-- and that just about sums up the difference between the both of us.

...okay now looking back at the whole big chunk of what I've written, I don't quite know what the POINT of this post is but oh well...

i promise a more coherent post next time 'round. :D
I'm off to do Mathematics like the good little girl I'm supposed to be. And also to update and filter through my diary because I expect Manda will be wanting to read it tomorrow. I swear she treats my personal life like a Meg Cabot novel!

peace, love, jellybeans.

<3

Thursday, February 19, 2009

hello, old friend. 8:16 AM

where are you?

Monday, February 16, 2009

hello, old friend. 11:31 PM

...is not in the mood to run 10 X Pandan Reservoir!

...or whatever crazy workout we're gonna have today for training.

And normally training along reservor routes can be made marginally more bearable-r when I imagine I'm an elf in some wild nomadic elf tribe forging through the woodlands but today I'm just too tired to imagine I'm an elf. pixie. fairy. orc. whatever.

Two friends and I have two very different things to say to you two:

Friend#1: ...thank God for tentative "...d'you miss me?" text messages.

I personally find it unnerving that two people can go around thinking the other's brilliantly happy and not in need of her in her life, when both of them're actually secretly devastatingly lonely...

But we're survivors, remember. We're gonna pull through this and we're gonna make it out alive.

Friend#2: ...d'you honestly think this is high school like in the movies???

You were born an individual-- it isn't that hard to be one. You could be so beautiful but you're always caught up following in someone else's footsteps. Laughing with too many teeth at jokes that aren't funny.

Get a grip. And a backbone.

...yesterday was spent with Amrit and RJ; hatching our nefarious and absolutely uncomable-trueable plan to snag the AirAsia flight deal to London at the end of the year.

"300 SGD! Only 300 SGD omg omg!!!"

...we were in the midst of planning our damned itinerary when we realized that there, in teeny tiny small print, was "...one way only."

damn you, universe.

Why couldn't we have conveniently found out the "one way only" bit only AFTER we'd actually gotten to England?

"hi mum. yeahhh...we're in England and we're safe and sound.

...about that...apparently it's a one way only. so. love you see you whenever bai!"

spent the rest of the free period plotting dastardly, hopeless schemes to get ourselves to the UK. This is what we came up with.

The General Plan:

1) Go to the airport and picket around with signs so we can get free rides. (Amrit's idea.) Signs should read: "...will f--- for flights", "will roll for rides", etc.

...'course we're only kidding. Moral values >>>> ride to UK ): and all of that.

2) Survive on watercooler water and tubes of grape-flavoured Mentos (to be rationed) until we save up enough kaching to sustain us throughout our UK trip.

3) Just get the 300SGD tickets anyway and go to the UK and then survive just on McDonald's. This plan seemed feasible until we all realized that an average cheeseburger there (and we're not even talking Filet O'Fishes yet) costs about $15. ...yeahhh.

4) Steal Santa's Bell and ring it while standing outside Salvation Army dressed as hookers. (I had no part in this. ......again, Amrit's idea. You probably knew that anyway.)

5) Hide out in Joe's sheep shack (though I tried time and again to explain to them that just because Joe lives in Tamworth doesn't mean he's a sheep farmer...) instead of renting a hotel room. And then live off the land for food. (I believe in some parts, they call this subsistence farming.) Any sudden and mysterious disappearances of sheep, cows, chickens, other vaguely-edible animals etc will have absolutely nothing to do with us.

5) Get some dirtcheap Air China tickets and then bring our own belts to use as seatbelts since they probably won't provide any anyway.
Inflight entertainment options:
a) watch Chinese porn
b) watch the inflight movies screening from any other planes that happen to fly up alongside us

6) Get the damned 300SGD oneway ticket and then canoe/swim our way back home.

Amrit: "...after all, Europe's kinda near Asia anyway."

Cara: "...only on the map, moron."

Aaaand then we all realized that it'll be the heart of winter when we/if we/will we(???) get to London, hence: goodbye to awesome London fashion! + hello to disgustingly layered, oversized, frumpy winter clothing.

Amrit: "...we're gonna look fat, dammit!"

Cara: "& what about food?"

Leonard: "what if you guys get lost there?"

RJ: "people get mugged in London, y'know."

Amrit: "...fat and hungry and lost and broke!!!"

ah well.

they call them Dreams.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

hello, old friend. 10:03 AM

----

And this is how I spent my Valentine's Day 2009 ---> chasing girls around Bedok Reservoir.
Literally.
= the sad, sad truth of being a cross country runner...

And then later on:
Picture this.
...It's a cold day in Tamworth.
None of that slush, no, none of anything that'd ruin the atmosphere. Just snow. Lots of it-- lovely, fluffy white stuff like soapsuds from a springcleaning Heaven and by right it should be slush by now but it isn't.
Snowball fights in it, just because we can. And also because I am apparently an Ignorant Singaporean Native who wears no clothes and lives in an attap hut (and Singapore is part of China) and thus have never seen the Great Whiteness before.
A quaint little restaurant- Alessandro's Italian!- tucked away in the heart of the English village. Alfresco dining; views of rose gardens and old castles and the way the snow shimmers in the moonshine like damp chiffon.

11:11 wishes and I wish harder than I have for anything in a long time because I want this to come true. want it so badly. some days it's the only thing really keeping me moving forward. stopping me from keeling backwards and throwing back my hands and crying, "...this hurts too much. i quit. i quit."

...walks through the unclosable chasm. Ignore the distance. Ignore the ache.

"...let it be. let it be."
and from where I am, alone but you always with me, I hold myself and bite my lip to keep from crying.
three words and they've never been more beautiful.

hot cocoa and stolen marshmallows and purple striped rugby shirts (okay at least that's ONE thing that'll become a reality...) and pillowfights and acting like children.
talking about transcendence and how some things were never built to last. were better off left unsung. how we all have to learn to let go and how some of us are still struggling to do that...

...has all become clear, now?

I don't quite know what to do but for now; que sera sera.
And in the summer, if she decides she wants to fight for you more-- then I'll be singing the same tune: que sera sera, que sera sera.
Stand back and smile because that's the way things go. I don't want to be dependent. I made that mistake once before and it ruined everything.

See one day I'll get good at this "...let it be." thing.

But Eternal Pessimist aside-- we really ARE epic, aren't we?
Geeks, yes; and also epic geeks-- but still.

"yknow...the more I think about it; the more the L-word makes sense."

...it's an awfully big word, though.
Maybe one day everything'll fall into place. Maybe not.
But I'm still gonna keep believing. Like I told you--

"...We just hafta realize that we're only chapters in each other's lives, I guess? And we're never gonna amount to anything much together but even if we burn out fast it means we'll blaze all the brighter."

you smiled and told me I was magic.

I'm sorry I can't be there.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

hello, old friend. 6:31 AM

since today i've been accused of blatant self-indulgence
(and notice i'm not battling that claim either, mind you *grins*)--

i shall spare you lot another So-This-Is-Basically-How-My-Day-Went...(rambleramble) post.

to be perfectly honest; I don't have a lot to write about right now. Is it possible for writers' block to last for ages on end?!
At this rate, I'll next pick up a pen and a piece of paper when I'm 65 and will be stuck with writing the good ol' "the fat cat sat on the mat" stuff.

wanted: topiks 2 wryte abawt.

and i'm open to suggestions/comments/anonymous or not.

just a sidenote, though; I refuse to write about
1) school life
2) meat
3) Overtly Probing Issues
4) my newfound geek status 8(
5) gossip girl (because believe it or not, i am and always will be an OC kinda girl and therefore GG is not my thing although i do like their bags and, on occasion, their shoes)
and
4) avril lavigne.

here we go, then.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

hello, old friend. 10:12 PM

Thursday, February 5, 2009

hello, old friend. 6:17 PM

"Ah, ye want to be an adventurer, do ye, lad?
Aye, I'm sure ye've heard tales of magnificent riches and glory to be had.
Have ye heard the tales of sleeping in the mud, days of riding, vicious monsters, road bandits, and gaping painful wounds.
Of course, ye haven't heard those!
If everyone heard tell of those stories there'd be a hell of a lot less adventurers."
-Lezardan of Cormyr
----

you know; it's funny.
if some of my old diary entries were anything to go by, the world would have ended sometime early last year.
my world would have, at least. the bottom of it would have fallen right through like when sand meets gravity and i'd be on the floor trying to gather the grains with chopsticks.

but i've come to realize that it doesn't work that way.
you were not the first (though i like to think you were, and i know you feel the same), and
you were not the last,
and contrary to my own old beliefs,
i can actually feel kismet with someone else other than you. be moved to midnight laughter by someone who is not you. feel something for someone who is not you...

and that makes me happy, and a little wistful, and fearful, and a little giddy all at the same time
...but for the most part i'm just happy.

no more void. no more unwanted turbulence. no more pressing my face into the mirror and trying to see you there, no--
all that remains is a tranquil acceptance of things that have been, and that have come to pass,
and the thrilling excitement of the new things happening now.

which brings me to you#2.

all i have to say is:
....
chicken or fish?

*grins*

----

j: "don't make me say that word."
c: "what word?"
j: "...THAT word. The one that starts with an F."
c: "...stupid?"

): I AM NOT AN AIRHEAD IT WAS ALL THE PHONE RECEPTION I SWEAR.
Not my fault "F" sounds like "S" when you're 697237213098 miles away!

oh and just so the world knows,
i've invented a brilliant new kind of code.
you know how some geeky people (albeit myself) like to put actions in asterisks, like so? :
*smiles*
*laughs*
*pokes with straw*
*kills with straw*
*divetacklehugglesquishesloves with straw*
....etc.

i've invented a code where you can do the same thing on the phone!
And ALL you have to do is, where you want to put the "actions-in-asterisks" thing-- just moderate your voice to go about an octave higher/lower, just so people can tell when you're talking normally and when you're saying out asterisked actions.
because i'm cool like that.

I tried it out and was met by a peal of snorted, unsuccessfully-muffled laughter on the other end.

gee, thanks, yeah be that way, why don't you?
one day when I'm famous and known the world over for inventing this like the dude who invented the Morse Code; don't be coming and expecting any % profits.

Oh and while we're ranting--
...is it just my imagination, or is the whole of Singapore except me shooting up taller and taller?!
I was on the MRT yesterday during our Orientation Hunt and then the train stopped at Raffles Place and a whole bunch of people flooded in and I swear,
every single one of them was taller than me.
EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.
i felt infinitely Lilliputianesque!

..which sucked. I was standing there in the middle of all these Yao-Mings and feeling very small and I couldn't see a thing.
Then I looked up, and since I happened to be standing next to one of the tallest guys in the train cabin ( I wouldn't know for sure. I couldn't see past him.), he inclined his head downwards to look at me and smile.
I swear- it was like a scene straight out of Pixar's "Dinosaur", y'know?- where the brachiosaurus sloooowly cranes its neck aaaaaalll the way down to the ground to smile benovolently at, like, the tiny prehistoric-monkey-thing.

...fun-sized, my foot.
I'm a pygmy! I'm a dwarf among giants!
Hundreds of years from now they'll be putting the likes of people like me in museums and framing us up in little glass cases with little placards on the front for the tourists to read.

Okay I'll be off soon to practise Lucky with the other half of Carnesh/Arca/Crrrr-ash/Carcrash.
3 hours of sleep + long inane (but fun. v fun.) int'l phonecalls + no caffeine + talenttime auditions + dance party later on = WOO fun day.

I'm gonna end off with a short excerpt from Chapter Two of Yet-To-Be-Named Novel by Lt Joe Rolleston, 42 Commandos, Royal Marines.
Just because Saine and Tana are just about the coolest twosome ever.
And also because Tana was nailed down just about right and I have to say I'm pretty impressed.

----

" Saine saw another flash of movement in the darkness. He brought Lassitude into a defensive position, anticipating another Gnarl attack. Instead, a woman emerged from the undergrowth. Saine studied her closely. She was of small, slender build with long dark hair that appeared unkempt. She wore a purple cloak over what appeared to be leather armour. Her eyes were an unusual amber-green and radiated a strange brightness. Her face was very feminine, beautiful perhaps, with copper toned skin, but she had an air of strength about her.
Her eyes were fixed on Saine, clearly studying him with the same intensity.

"Judging by the eyepatch, I'd say you were a pirate," she smiled.

Saine arched an eyebrow.

"No? Well, with swordsmanship like that, I'm ruling out travelling doctor. A soldier? No, too scruffy. A mercenary, perhaps?" she inquired, hardly pausing for breath.

"Until recently," Saine replied bluntly.

"Ooh. Hung up your sword, have you? Well, obviously not..." she smiled, obviously finding her own joke more amusing than Saine did.

Saine made to walk past her, but she skipped backwards, blocking his path.

"Where you headed?" she asked.

Saine went to push her aside, but in a lightning quick movement that caught him completely offguard, she withdrew a short sword from beneath her cloak and rested it lightly on his neck.
"Now, there's no need to be rude, is there? It was a straight question," she said, with a hint of menace.

"Miriel," growled Saine.

"Now that wasn't so hard, was it? Now, people only go to Miriel to buy and sell things, or to drink a lot of ale. Either way, you've either got a lot of gold in that big bag of yours, or something I could sell for a lot of gold. Am I right?" she said, the sword still pressed against his neck.

He clenched his jaw.
He drove his knee hard into her stomach, knocking the air frmo her lungs and causing her to stagger backwards. He knocked the sword from her hand with his forearm and grabbed her by the throat, lifting her slightly from the ground.
"Aye, lots of value. But you really should be more careful when choosing your marks," he said, squeezing his hand slightly tighted.

She spluttered, pain flashing across her delicate features.
He released her and she dropped to her knees. He quickly brought Lassitude upward, its point resting just below her neck. She stared at him and scowled.

"You're very lucky I'm making good time. On another day, I'd run you through and be done with it," he said calmly.

"I'd have killed you first," she said, her breathing finally returning to normal.

A half-smile slid onto his face.
"So, do you have a name to go with that killer instinct?"

"Tanaquil Seregond. And don't forget it," she replied, her eyes narrowing.

"I'm Saine Leingod and my sword is bigger than yours, so I'll be making the thinly-veiled threats, if that's okay with you."

To his surprise, she burst into laughter, which shattered the silence of the forest.

"Well, Saine Leingod, it seems that we're headed in the same direction. And with all these nasty Gnarls prowling around, I could do with the protection of a tough ex-mercenary and his big, scary sword," she said, her eyes fixed on Saine, a small smile on her face.

He was taken aback by her attitude, but found himself inexplicably impressed.

"If you stay in front of me, do exactly as I say, it's a deal. And, I'll carry your sword for you, just in case," he said, removing the point of his sword from her chest for the first time.

She got to her feet, dusted herself off, and beamed at him.
"Sounds fair to me." "

-----

Over and out!
xx

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

hello, old friend. 9:33 PM

"You and me are the disease and the germs are spreading.
Use me like Listerine, keeping your breath fresher, feel the stroke of your paintbrush, my blank sheet of paper.
I'm your book of the month, read the fine print later."
----

this week has been decidedly better than the last one.
the last week = a blur
this week = a slightly more tolerable blur.

Trainings have been scary-sounding but- surprisingly- have passed pretty okay. (:
"okay" as far as cross-country trainings go, anyway...
And Real Life hasn't quite hit yet. It's straining at its leash but I've got one hand covering my left ear and one hand pushing it away and so far it seems to be working.

all I have to do is:
make it to july
make it to july
make to july
...and then everything'll be all right. i know it.

note: this was intended to be a happy post but the thing is nothing ever really sounds happy, not when it comes from me anyway, so in case you were wondering
YES I AM HAPPY :D (or at least I AM, at occasional intervals) KTHX

...happy and also very tired. So tired. I'm always tired, these days...
I slept for eight hours yesterday (which is about 2X more than what I usually get) and woke up with eyebags and people asking me why I looked so hollow.
I'm giving up on early nights. >/ 2AMs and caffeine-fixes FTW.

note to a friend:

you're becoming like the midnight me.

don't. don't. don't. and again, don't.

i'm one to talk(!), but you've got such beautiful eyes

in the prime of your life

and you've got a dad who waits up for you at home on friday nights

put down the bottle. backtrack through the smoke curtain. pay the driver his cabfare. shake off the strange fingers that found their way into yours somewhere between the dancefloor and 1.37AM and wish yourself home

dorothy go back to kansas you've gotta wish yourself home.

----

... I think that if I wasn't so damn tired I actually would be in a pretty good mood right now.

I've also managed to make it through without _________, which tbh I'm rather pleased with. I was running out anyway.

Unfortunately, I haven't been able to keep away from _________ but I'm not gonna admit addiction just yet, no; not gonna wave the white flag just yet; right now

it's game on.

wednesday

thursday

friday

saturday

july.