{ and we'll play summer on repeat;

Sunday, June 29, 2008

hello, old friend. 5:38 AM

And I will break it for you now
Please learn from my mistakes
Please learn from my mistakes
----

I've been blogging all too often recently, I realize.

But this Sunday was too nice to ignore.
Strange how the simplest things (friends around a table, dancing in our seats, lots of laughter) can make me so glad to be alive.

Tim's back from Auzzzie Land.
And in Manda's words: "...oh wow he changed; his hair exploded!"
Well yeah; but Tim, if you're reading this-- it was a rad explosion, so s'all good. It's very scene kid; I like it. ;D
I am thinking that tis high time to get the old LotR gang back together again for another movie marathon. We've got SW as Gimli, and Tim Toh as Elrond, and Amaria as Gandalf, and me as ex-Eowyn but everyone agrees I'm not like her anyhow, so I'm an Arwen fledgling; and now we've got Ethan for Legolas, too. (or an Ent.)
Natha dagor daer! Nan barad, Haldir; nan barad! Ae-u estelio, estelio han. U-erin ae somethingsomething u-eri ortheri.
Yes I'm quoting random lines from the movie. My Sindarin's all but slipped down the drain; time to polish up my Elvish! The High Council would be so ashamed.
[/end fangirly rant]

I digress.
SO THIS SUNDAY:
was deloverly. Manda, Deb, Moses, Jared, Aaron & I went out for lunch and mucho fun and wholesome(?) goodness ensued.
Topics covered:
1) girl brazilian waxes vs guy brazilian waxes.
Deb: "I know you'd do a brazilian."
Cara: "I bet YOU would!"
Aaron: *looks up with his omg-can-we-please-stop-talking-about-this face*
Cara: *leans over; jabs finger in his face* "...I know YOU would do one!"
Aaron: *stunned into silence*

2) My (now trademark) hand movement which HELLO was actually pretty kewlz before you guys went and started making a mockery of it.

3) Whether or not Moses has m__s. Also; whether or not he has an Adam's Apple and how come he doesn't have arm hair. (Don't look at me-- I didn't come up with the topics. I swear it must be something in the Pepper Lunch sauce. Beware the honey glazed garnish, you guys.)

4) us being a boyband. The Click Six? (Manda's suggestion for a name, since there're six of us) ...No, I said; Sixty Cent would be a better band name. Nobody else agreed with me. ):

5) When everyone was busy mixing up their beef/salmon rice plate thingies, I entertained myself by deciding what fragrance/brand/colour everyone was. The results? (general opinion.) Manda's look: Forever 21 (but today it was more Tommy Hilfiger)
Cara's look: Warehouse (...the brand, not the type of building, dimwits.)
Deb's look: Eclectic indie insertbrandnamehere.
According to tickle.com, my flavour is: pink grapefruit.
So I thought for a little while over my soda and mused, "Deb...you're jasmine. And Manda; you're tangerine."
To which Manda replied; "...Tangerine? Orange? EW why does Deb get to be the nice colour and I get orange?!"
Cara: "Oh yes, and jasmine is a colour. As in: 'Today I painted my rainbow jasmine in colour.' "
DITZ, Amandaaaaaa.

6) in twenty years time we might be sitting around having lunch together again, and by then the guys would be having midlife crisises and seeking out hair help from Beijing 101 and Yun Nam Hair Care!
and Mo has a future in mime; Aaron will most likely be an engineer; and I'm inclined to say Jared'll be a slacker bum but I bet he's got useful! hidden! talents! and will probably end up doing puhretty well.
Deb: will be some artsy artist (goes without saying); Manda will be some power woman (hey, corporate is sexy) and NO, Moses, I know you were only teasing but I will NOT be a 36-year old slut, kthx you manwhore.
I got teased so I threw one straw at Moses and another at Jared and was tempted to throw my (unfortunately, empty) soda cup at Moses but refrained because only 36-year old sluts would be so lavisciously reckless.
I think he got the hint, though.
Cara: "...What did you say I was going to be? A 36-year old what?" *smiles very, very sweetly; leans hand on chin*
Moses: Uh. *eyes dart around* ... The next top model.

Yeah, sure. A 36 year old top model. Mo you suck at lying.

ANYHOW.
I love the Click Six we're awesome. (:
We laughed and were stupid and random and it was absolutely brilliant; I haven't felt like this with all six of us, in a while.

Although I can't believe you watched Never Back Down without me; Manda&Deb-- I thought you guys were gonna watch Wanted! Be prepared to die a slow and torturous death next Sunday.

Cara: I wanna watch Never Back Downnnn!
Leonard: Oh. Who's in it?
Cara: :D SEAN ASTIN!

yeah I was kinda too excited then. Got the names muddled up.
Cara, must remember: Sean Faris= the hot guy in Never Back Down. Sean Astin = the fat hobbit from LotR, dammit!

i kinda love the world right now.
a little more than I normally do.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

hello, old friend. 7:52 AM

this is probably going to be a clumsily written post, for I have been out of practice when it comes to dealing with the Human Experience,
and the feelings I felt then, and the beauty of what I saw, are things that are hard to phrase, and are hard to word.

but I will try.

Yesterday I saw the purest form of love I have ever known.
A grey-haired father and his son got on the bus; and I could tell from a glance that there was something wrong with the boy-- something about the tilt of his head, something about the way his feet moved (shuffle, shuffle, shhh) against the busfloor, something about the way his eyes looked out at the world whooshing past the bus windows but never quite saw any of it; never quite registered any of it. Though I suppose you could hardly call the boy a boy, in the true sense of the word-- he must've been about twenty something, though it was hard to tell. His father was around fifty, and the way he led his son on the bus (a shepherd leading a blinded lamb) made people pause in the middle of phone conversations/texting their boyfriends/negotiating into bluetooth earsets and l o o k.
There was an American dad sitting next to an empty seat and opposite his own son; and the dad saw the father-son pair get onto the bus, and got up to give up both his seat and the empty seat.

"No, no. It's all right, you can sit."
"No, please. I insist. Take the seats."

and for a brief moment the two fathers
strangers who had never, up till now, met each other,
who did not know each others' names,
who probably had vastly different jobs homes wives families histories stories to tell;
looked at each other and touched the other's thoughts in the way only fellow fathers can;
for a moment they looked at each other like they were brothers.

later on the seat beside the American boy opened up, and his dad sat next to him.

and there I was, the onlooker, always and ever the onlooker;
watching seeing thinking
and it was an odd juxtaposition, the two fathers and both their sons:
one with salt-and-pepper sideburns and Oakley sunglasses and an bluetooth earset; casting glances (when he thought the boy wasn't looking) at his son sitting next to him: an American teenager with pale adolescent-spotted skin and wire-framed glasses and silver rings and a black hoodie who slouched in his seat and paid more attention to Linkin Park than he did to the dad beside him.
another father in a chinatown kind of shirt (cheap but good, the aunties would say) and silver grey hair and the kind of round, jolly face that makes you want to go up to him and hug him; and yet there was a kind of weariness in his face-- the kind of gentle tiredness that becomes evident only in the faces of those who have known a deep and profound sadness, and who have endured far more than it is in their right to endure.
and his son: clad simply. most twenty-something young men would be decked out in their chinos and Police sunglasses and muscle tees, but not this one: this one wore market flipflops and a bright blue t-shirt and brown bermudas and a perpetual vacant grin
and yet the way he looked at his father was something beautiful to behold:
the kind of adoration five year olds look at their fathers with
(my daddy is a hero! they whisper in exultation)
but then the love and adoration and innocence are gone when they turn six
and we are sixteen
and he must have been twenty six
but oh I have never seen anyone look at anyone else with such trust in his eyes.

and every few moments his father would lean over and touch his autistic grown-up son's cheek with such tenderness that I couldn't help but watch;
and he would ruffle his hair gently and kiss his cheek-- once, twice.
I have never, in all my sixteen years, seen someone kiss another person like that-- to kiss them just because you love them, because you love them you love them you love them
without any trace of wanting, or lust, or tiresomeness; the person you kiss has no obligation to love you back and probably doesn't have the capacity to
and you know it but you kiss them anyway because
you love them.

both sons were absorbed in their own worlds:
one with a deep chestnut fringe swinging over a surly eye, and bobbing his head to the unidentified thrashing noises emanating from his earphones;
one unaware of everything around him; with his face lifted to the loving father beside him as his father kissed his cheek and stroked his hair and blinked painfully from where he was in the window seat, so that his son would not have to endure the blinding light streaming in through the window.

two fathers:
and for a moment I wondered if maybe the American dad was thinking of his own son, and remembering when the boy was five; when he would stretch out little toddler arms and burrow, giggling and shrieking like all little ones do, into his arms; and how the child would burble "daddy! daddy!" when his father swung him up and into his arms like a little diaper-clad aeroplane;
and for a moment I wondered if the American dad missed the little boy who was now the black-clad, silent stranger sitting next to him;
and for a moment I wondered if the American dad was sad.

then for another moment I looked at the other dad, the little round dad with the gentle eyes,
and wondered if he was sad because his son, in all his vacant gazes and smiles full of trust and unrecognition; would never have the capacity to truly love him in the way all dads yearn to be loved by their little boys.

I bet he was sad.

And still he leant over once more, blinking in the bright light from the bus window; and placed the softest, sweetest kiss on his vacantly smiling son's cheek.

"Greater love has none other than this: of a father who lays his life down for his son."

and it's true.

and so here I am, tonight,
writing a poorly worded little narrative about two fathers and two sons,
and in particular: a little round father and his son with the empty eyes and unassuming smile.

to the latter:
whereever you are: I hope you sleep soundly tonight; and like you, I pray that your son will one day wake when you are kissing his sleep-heavy eyes in the night and look up at you with recognition, and joy, and all the love you deserve to receive (for you have been a very gem of fathers),
and I hope he will reach out to you and call you "daddy"
for too long have you waited to hear those words.

thank you for reminding me what love is.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

hello, old friend. 6:35 AM

I found this on Audd's blog, so. Since I'm bored and since obviously everyone wants to know more about yours truly:

1.What's the connection between you & the last person that called you?
Gwen. Broadway Nigghhhhtttt.

2. Do you ever turn your cell phone off?
um no. It's either on, or on but dying, or on and charging.

3. What happened at 10.00am today?
sleeping.

4. When did you last cry?
when I was watching Poseidon and Emmy Rossum's character's dad died zomg.

5. What is your favorite thing to eat with peanut butter?
more peanut butter.

6. What do you want in your life right now?
love trust pixie dust. in no particular order.

7. Do you carry an umbrella when it rains, or just put up your hood?
I do neither. I turn up my iPod and dance around to "singing in the rain".

8. What's your favorite thing to have on your bed?
my friends. ;)

9. What bottom are you wearing now?
moody Eeyore pjs!

10. Whats the nicest text in your inbox say?
oh they're all nice. if they weren't, I deleted them and then killed the sender via spam sms DIE DIE DIEEEEE.

11. Do you tend to make a relationship complicated?
wrong person to ask.

12. Are you wearing anything you borrowed from someone?
no but if I remember rightly, half my clique owes me clothes.

13. What was the last movie you caught?
whatever was screened last century. oh yeah that'd be Made of Honour.

14. What are you proud of?
myself?

15. What does the oldest text message in your inbox say?
"oh you're good at turning situations against me aren't you? idiot...it wasn't bad. you're forgetting that the average standard of my life differs from the norm".
wow that's one old message.

16. What was the last song you sang out loud?
down in upendeeeee.

17. Do you have any nicknames? What are they?
Carrie Models. Care (but only when my siblings want a favour). Well manicured princess. Retard. Elf. Summer.

18. What does your last received text message say? Who was it from?
Leonard. "haha disney movies? Ash and I are stoning in school."

19. What time did you go to bed last night?
don't know, sorry.

20. Are you currently happy?
(:

21. Who gives you best advice?
Cap'n Jack and Princess Sparkles; oh and Qiu and RJ and Kat and Manda and Deb and yeah.

22. Do you eat whipped cream straight from the can?
ew.

23. Who did you talk on phone last night?
...different people.

24. Is anything bugging you right now?
yeah, so baygon.

25. What/Who was the last thing/person to make you laugh?
me.

26. Do you wear toe socks?
No I wear soe tocks.

27. Who was the last person you missed a call from?.
the director of Absolute Living. Oops.

28. Have you ever had your heart broken?
cue words from Keats Tennyson Plath Parker Wordsworth.

29. What annoys you most in a person?
condescension. seriously I AM NOT AN ANT HELLO.

30. Do you have a crush on anyone?
HAHAHAHAHA that's a funny question.

31. Have you ever done cocaine?
No but I'm a coke addict so that counts, right?

32. What is the colour of your room?
purple. (:

33. Would you kill someone you hate for a billion dollars?
not for a billion dollars. for a billion dollar NOTE, maybe. then since nobody's ever seen a billion dollar note before, I'd sell it at some extravagantly overpriced sum and get MORE than a billion dollars.

34. Do you believe in the saying "talk in cheap"?
The last time I checked, it was "talk is cheap".

35. Who was the last person to lay in your bed?
HENRY CAVILL.

36. Who was the last person to hug you?
my little sister. Right before "can I use the computer now instead of you?"

37. What do you want to say to the person you have a crush on?
Hello. Private life.

38. Do you have a life?
Private or otherwise...yes.

39. Have you ever thought that someone died, when they really didn't?
yes.

40. What is the reason behind your profile song?
what profile song?

41. Who was the last person you saw in your dream?
I can't remember.

42. Last time you smiled?
just now.

43. Have you changed this year?
My name and school and shoesize have all remained the same, so no. But then again, I experimented with purple highlights and did some weird things and said some weirder things, so maybe yes.

44. What are you listening to right now?
my iPod. like you had to ask.

45. Are you talking to someone when you doing this?
when I doing this? no.

46. Do you walk with your eyes open or closed?
open. or half-closed. wow you must be running out of questions, huh.

47. Is there a quote you live by?
yes. xanga.com/insertquotesitehere.

48.Do you want someone you can't have?
Excluding James Marsden...no.

49. Have you ever played an instrument?
piano and the recorder, in primary school. and Qiu's head, as drums and cymbals. Oh and I'm pretty good at air guitar and air bass and air double bass.

50. What was the worst idea you've had in week?
y'mean I can only say one?

51. What were you doing last night at 11.00pm?
Writing in my journal and dancing around my room. (but not at the same time. I can't multitask that well.)

52. Are you happy with your love life right now?
I say the more the merrier.

53. What song describes your love life?
I don't know. So I shall iPod shuffle it. And my iPod says...College Kids, by Relient K. Oh yeah hey; I've hooked up with all the guys from every jc in singapore, oh wow yeah.

54. Does the person know that you like him/her?
who said anything about like?

55. Who is always making you laugh?
the spastic three!

56. Do you speak other language other than English?
elvish. Imye smartyre thayne Iye lookyeth.

57. Are you blond?
no. maybe inwardly.

58. What is your middle name?
Nicole.

59. What are you doing tomorrow?
taekwondo, accessorize talk (not like I need it, but yeah. enrichment hours), going out with the guys(?), kickboxing, dance.

60. What do you think you are like?
RJ says I'm a crossover between Robin Williams and Lucy Liu. Hmm I can't quite envision that one, but okay. Shuuu says Ariel/Pocahontas. Kat says Summer/Pocahontas. Ash says Summer/Anna. Wenloong says Summer/Summer. So I guess I'm an Oriental, buckskin-wearing, Princess Sparkle-toting, pixie-faced comedian with a fishtail.

61. Who will you choose to die with?
my other half. whoever he is.

62.Where have you been today?
the places you have come to fear the most.

63. What game do you play often?
it's all in the game of lurrrrveeee. I don't play games. I know. I'm deprived, so?

64. Who are you missing right now?
the spastic three. my MIA MG besties. the way we were. (inside issue.)

65. If you've to choose between friend & love, who will you choose?
if you wanna be my lover--

66. What are you doing right now?
uh. wow no points for guessing.

67. Which primary school are you from?
MGS, baby.

68. Name 3 colours that you like
turquoise, aquamarine, black, and purple. And since turquoise and aquamarine are technically only shades of one colour; then I'll add one more: crimson.

69. What emotion do you like to show?
I am a masquerade I can be whatever you want to see.

70. What is life to you?
Life is hearing your favourite song on the radio, turning up the volume, and singing out loud with your friends with your hairbrushes as microphones, because you all are gonna be rockstars one day. Life is every word in my diary. Life is crying over the memories because you miss the way we were. Life is dancing in your pjs in the rain even though you know the neighbours're staring.

71. If you have something troubling you, what will you do?
listen to my iPod.

72. Who did you last chat in msn today?
Leonard.

73. Who do you admire the most?
idk. Lea Salonga?

74. Which month are you born in?
Januaryyyyy. Remember that.

75. How are you feeling right now?
tomatoes.

76. What is the time now?
my computer clock says 5.59am. But I believe it's actually 10.02 pm.

77. Where are you now?
in front of the computer at home, beside a calendar that says "jun" instead of "june" and a piece of paper that says "Koala. Order: marsupialia. Family: Phascolarctidae."

78. What colour did you use to dye hair?
I've got virgin hair yaw.

79. Why are you doing this test?
because I've got wireless internet and a keyboard and time to kill.

80. What do you do when you're moody?
oh I emo.

81. At which age you wish to get marry?
I don't wish to get marry. I don't mind getting marRIED, though.

82. Who is more important to you? Boyfriend or friends?
hoes before bos.

83. Do you think you have enough confidence?
Oh yeah; running around Holland V in pjs and a fluffy Tinkerball bobble hat takes a little confidence/lunacity. (hell; I don't care if 'lunacity' isn't a word. It is now.)

84. Who is the person you trust the most?
Princess Sparkles.
yes I know she's a pony but she's got feelings too.

85. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after a rain?
yeah, if you're Dorothy in Kansas.

86. If you can have a dream come true, what would it be?
if I tell you, it won't come true now, will it?

87. What is your goal for this year?
I am an aimless wandering soul. No, actually. I'm living life day to day. I'll let you know when I find out.

88. Do you believe in eternity love?
Eternity love? Ew that's the cheesiest term I've ever heard for it; hands down.

89. WHO ARE YOU CHATTING WITH NOW ?
why're you so excited?

90. Do you really think its Global Warming now?
no actually it's Hannah Montana on Disney Channel.

91. What feeling you hate the most?
a lot. it's the whole "emotional artist" thing. makes for good poetry.

92. you cherish every single friendship of yours?
duh?!

93. Do you believe in God?
amen hallelujah. (:

94. Who cares for you the most?
my parents, and friends, and God. I'm a loved girl.

95. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
only one? crud. Okay, my iPod. and my vera wang princess and my diary and my camera and my comfort pillow and and and...yeah. That's all.

96. What'll you bring when you fight?
Magic. BOOM.

97. What have you regretted doing in your whole life?
Nothing, actually. Whatever will be will be; and whatever has been, has made me stronger.

98. What would you feel that no one no longer cares for you?
That doesn't really make sense, but okay. There's no way that no one would ever not care for me because I've been surrounded by wonderful, wonderful people who would never let me down that way.

99. What if your stead two-timed you?
I'd set him ablaze and watch the sucker burn. And then I'd get some friends over and we'd toast marshmallows over the fire and sing campfire songs.

100. What do you want now?
whirled peas.

Monday, June 23, 2008

hello, old friend. 11:21 PM

hello, hello, so it's back to school and I don't really mind, actually.

Sex Ed on Monday was actually pretty darn fun?!
Specially when we had to put up a skit, in groups.
Oscar Nominees of 2008:
1. Divij: my poor consenting onstage boyfriend
2. Kaushik: gimme gimme more, gimme more!
3. Lynna & Ping: can you say girl-on-girl?
4. RJ: the third person in our risque little threesome, and an aspiring Lavigne.
oh yes and not forgetting me.

our skit was full of corny one-liners and it was AWESOME coming up with what we were gonna say because most of it was actually spontaneous. and pretty stupid.

(on the phone)
Divij: Hey, how's life?
Cara: Sucks...sy.
Divij: Oh. Um. Well. Are you in the mood to come over to mug, later?
Cara: *inspects nails languidly, drawls* ...I'm in a mood, all right.

(at the house)
Divij: So; should we start with Physics?
Cara: No. I say start with Chemistry; then Physics...and then we'll go on to...Biology.

(after my character has made her attempted aggressive advances on Divij's poor innocent mugger character)
Divij: Nuuu! *cowers*
Cara: No?! Why? You know you want it.
Divij: I'm gay!
Cara: I'll set you straight. *takes a step towards him*
Divij: I've...I've...I've got a mouth infection!
Cara: I'll make it alllll better.
Divij: I've...I've...(*is so wrought with emotion that he veers away completely from the script) ...*desperately*...I've got an anal infection!
Cara: O_O *speechless*
07IPo4: *goes into uproarious laughter*

and everyone laughed at the end when RJ and Ping and I drove off in the sportscar, in our naughty little threesome; so that was good.

I've missed acting I've missed the stagelights!

After the workshop; Leonard WQ RJ and I ventured over to Venezia for gelato, and spent a good one and a half/two? hours there talking about random topics like who, and what, we think each other'll be twenty years down the road, at our high school reunion.
By then we'll be...36, oh horrors.
And the guys'll be having their midlife crises just about then. HA.
Payback for us girls having to be the ones who wear the stilettoes and beget the kids and be rendered unhappy, moody, and generally extremely emotional every once a month.

Leonard and I accompanied RJ for her job interview at Clarke Quay.
Amazing Race-type dash for the mrt. The guys in the mrt was funnnyyyyy and the funniest part was I didn't even realize it until RJ told me. Guys're cute sometimes. :]

Oh, and one observation I made.
I, for one, am sick of seeing people going around in their Little Miss (insert descriptive here) shirts. I've already banished mine to the cupboard and will only call upon it in times of great need. (read: when everything's in the wash)
I mean- yeah. Those shirts were cute when they first started retailing. But it's been- what, a year since then?- and c'mon, nobody cares if you're Little Miss Sunshine or Little Miss Don't Have My Own Sense Of Style.
There is no longer anything remotely unique/special/cute about those shirts. You might as well go out wearing a piece of cardboard and, like, straight cut jeans/This Fashionesque denim skirts.
So do yourselves a favour and ditch the mass Little Miss Sunshine act.
Having an own sense of style never hurt anybody.

Mmk.
Inner Fash Hag moment. Sorry.

[/edit]
status: watching Lion King II.
whoopdeedoo!

down in upendi
way down in upendi. *sings*

RJ Leonard and I've decided what we're gonna do for our seventeenth birthdays.
I can't wait till January 2009 rolls around!
Waterfront, baby. ;)

Saturday, June 21, 2008

hello, old friend. 9:24 PM

So they went down and they sat on the pier
He said I bet you got a boyfriend but I don't care
I've got no one to send a letter to;
Would you mind if I sent one back here to you?
----

this morning I woke up to the sound of rain blankets-- soft, sibilant, shh.

so I roll over, reaching for the radio, and flick the switch on; and John Denver fills the room and for a moment I close my eyes and think of words like: blue mountains, coyotes, wilderness, Cheyenne.
yes so I confess: yesterday I rummaged through dad's old CD pile in my pjs, pulling out old forgotten friends like Enya's Amarantine and Shakespeare In Love, and trying out the recommended John Denver. His songs're all pretty nice but I must've played Take Me Home, Country Roads about twelve times in a row. I've loved that song ever since I was little, and I suppose it'll always be my favourite country song.

pulled on a shawl and went outside with a mug of piping hot Brazilian coffee; and just sat there on the porch for a while-- watching, listening, thinking with the rain. I love weather like the kind we had today. then I flipped open my diary for a morning read and started laughing at the grouchy entry I'd been too sleepy to remember writing; from two am this morning.

an excerpt:
"ugh neighbours/loud pulsating music/sporadic (loud, loud) cheering.
it's two in the morning, hello. there're people trying to sleep at two in the morning. specifically me.
I know it's the last night of summer and all-- but if you wanted to catch up on summer, you should've done that- what, two weeks ago?
so maybe your summer sucked. please understand that it won't get any better no matter how loud you turn the music up.

please, please go to sleep.
may you all wake up grouchier than I am now.
avada kedavra. whatever. "

...wow I was grumpy, huh? and the weird thing is: I don't even remember getting up to write that.

okay, so moving on.
went to church and I love my Manda and Deb and the weekly drama rag.
we only see each other once a week but we hang tight. <3>
and hun; don't worry your pretty little head about it. If he wants t'go and rebound on some loser-- well then, in all entirety: it's his loss.
fyi Manda is s-l-o-w. thirty minutes late, sugar; thirty minutes late! :D

is on verawangprincess now doing fun things like the online princess quiz.
according to the vera wang quiz,

"you're an IT Princess.
At the party the IT princess met a famous photographer who asked her to be his assistant and travel the world. During an exotic photo shoot at a mysterious ruin she discovered a rare heart shaped diamond. Her find made front-page news, was displayed at the Museum of Amazing Things and a charming newspaper reporter fell madly in love with her. After being on the cover of the newspaper, a Hollywood agent asked her to audition for a movie and she became a movie star and was always surrounded by beautiful people and beautiful things."

how cute.
and the IT princess lived happily ever after.

on a more serious note.

summer's come to an end.
oh well. it was good while it lasted.
and life's only just beginning to get good; so strap yourselves in-- we're in for a ride.

so long, sweet summer.
see you next year.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

hello, old friend. 9:50 PM

Death Cab is cominggggggggg.

Burn it down till the embers smoke on the ground
And start new when your heart is an empty room
With walls of the deepest blue

Home's face: how it ages when you're away
Spring blooms and you find the love that's true
But you don't know what now to do
Cause the chase is all you know
And she stopped running months ago

And all you see is where else you could be, when you're at home
And out on the street are so many possibilities to not be alone

The flames and smoke climbed out of every window
And disappeared with everything that you held dear
But you shed not a single tear for the things that you didn't need
Cause you knew you were finally free

Cause all you see is where else you could be, when you're at home
Out on the street are so many possibilities to not be alone
And all you see is where else you could be, when you're at home,
There on the street,
are so many possibilities to not be alone.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

hello, old friend. 8:55 PM

and so here we are, here we are.
windows down, we see a falling star; stop the car
waiting, nothing but our beating hears, going far
oh, the summertime.
--------

danceflames 2008.

every move I make; I make in You (!)

I always thought of myself as more of a words person, and not a movement person at all; but that changed today.
I stand corrected.

Danceflames was fan-friggin-tastic. I loved every minute of it; truly I did.
4.30pm: went down early to rehearse with Isa, Moses and Jared.

Cara and sweaty Shanae. <3

Jacqqqq. (my original dance partner, who couldn't dance cuz of a slipped disc. :/)

5.30pm: met the rest of the dancers and got to do something that made me supreeeeemely happy. I got to do makeup! (!!)
For Sarah Mok first; and then later, on request: some little girl with beautiful skin, Joyce, Sarah Dierden (mg junior!), Isa, Christine, and a few others I can't remember exactly who.
so the whole makeup session, of course, put me in a superbly good mood because spending an hour tinkering around with my MAC eyeshimmers and moonflower dusting powder and red lipsticks and coral glosses and people's willing faces could only do me good.

Meeee in all my madeup glory.
(yes, I do realize that this was taken in a washroom. It just didn't occur to me at the time to go somewhere glam-mer, s'all.)

Isa (dance partner!) and Cara.

So maybe I can't paint or sketch or draw for nuts; but my canvas is a living one, y'know? If you ask me: there is absolutely nothing shallow about loving to do people's makeup. It's pretty much the same as art, isn't it? ... I mean; I use brushes, just like artists do; and I have a colour palette too, and a canvas-- only my canvas lives and breathes and the look in their eyes when I show them the mirror is more than reward enough.

moving on to the concert.
before that, my lower back started getting these weird spasmy pains. so I was hobbling around and thinking, "oh God, no, no; I really want t'dance today-- please help?!"
the pain went away during the performance, hahlaylooyah; but it's back now with a vengeance, so I think I'll schedule an appointment with the chiropractor tomorrow.
why're there so many things wrong with me. >:[

aching backs aside, though, the concert was terrif.
the FCBC team was great; I lovvvvved our SJSM core dance team; and the contemps were awesome.
And our performance! I can't remember most of what happened, really.
I just remember smiling a lot and having a whale of a time.
Thank you, God, for dance.

afterwards I talked with Angie about dance ministry and told her she looked like Emmy Rossum. such observations doth a very happy Angie make. I can't wait for this saturdayyyyy omigosh am I throwing myself into the deep end? I mean-- Ryan's classes? lyrical jazz and lyrical hiphop?
K God I go in Your name. please help.

sekrit handsign codes: Worship (the) Lord.
(lame, I know.)

...
something happened to me today.
I'm not quite sure what.
But whatever it is-- it's glorious and I'm loving every bit of it.

contemporary dancers.

hiphop dancers. (!)

"this is not just dancing.
this is warfare.
with every step you take, you are taking ground for God; you are stepping on demons and sanctifying the ground you dance on.
We dance to claim ground for the Lord."
- danceflames 2008.

Monday, June 16, 2008

hello, old friend. 12:40 AM

will they always be waiting love
will they always be waiting love
will they always be waiting, love?
----

mundane corporate kind of monday afternoon and I have nothing to do.

should I go for dance today or kickboxing or the birthday party on the yacht?
if they were only at different time slots then today could be an exciting, colourful, highly busy day; but of course they all had to be at the same time.
I hate making decisions. I wish the world worked like a Magic 8 ball. everything would be so much easier.

there is nothing to lose when there is nothing to hold

strange moods and strange words have been my midnight desklights lately;
yesterday was a blur of dancing and glancing through physics concepts and doodling on my science book with a green quill pen and reading Keats and Tennyson and Wordsworth and spritzing my wrists with vera wang and then pressing them against the window pane.

I saw somebody the other day.
and it made me have to turn away and laugh.
Honestly, my sweet, you have nothing to look proud of.

digressing:
I watched Elizabethtown last night, all curled up on the sofa.
I like that movie. I liked Claire's roadtrip map idea. One day when I find somebody who's worth the time and the love and the music and all those little post-its I'll have to use, I shall make a roadtrip map of all my favourite special places and give it to him.

i like quizzes.

yesterday was fathers' day (happy fathers' day, daddy!) and s'true: s'hard to find presents for dads. Mine didn't even want me to get anything for him.
but I moseyed around and got him a miniature honeypot and filled it with dark chocolate (his favourite) and tiny boxes of sunmaid raisins, the kind we used to eat right out of the supersized tub together, back then when I was little. I still have the picture of him on the beanbag and me standing on his lap in my baby coveralls with raisin stains all over my fingers and beaming triumphantly at the camera because i loved eating raisins with daddy.
even though my dad gives all my guyfriends the evil eye (most of them, anyway) and will probably have an aneurysm if ever I decide to get some wonky-looking piercing (or any other piercing, actually)- I know it's all part of the dadness and I love him to bits.

....hohum.
okay.
now I shall bid you all a fair adieu.
time to go make my groundbreaking earthshaking decision.
to dance or to box or to party on a yacht? ...that is the question.

Friday, June 13, 2008

hello, old friend. 12:27 AM

Starlight, starbright can save. You're my wish tonight.
Don't tell me it doesn't matter. I'll tell you what matters:
bare feet in the summer, open windows at night.
-----

so.
hello.
how've you been, sweethearts? here's hoping that your summers have been every bit as awesome as they deserve to be.

(also.
dear anonymous: what kind of a question is that? thank you for the wellwishes, though. I'd like to be able to say that I miss you too-- but I can't if I don't know who you are. any clues for me?

and leonard: yes, 1:160. impressive, I know. would you like me to give you the breath of life? then you too can reach the graaaaand golden ratio of 1:160! yes love makes the world go round.)

mmyes. I'm back.
from seven days of absolute heaven.
so 'scuse me if I ramble. I've been out of practice.
shall we recap?

okay. deep breath.
so we stayed at the Marriott Courtyard for, what, three days? it was pretty awesome 'cuz it had just opened its doors, so we were its third guests. which is neat because everyone likes making records, don't they?
I do, in any case.

They don't call Surin Beach "The Millionaires' Row" for nothing. The hotel = gorgeous. The staff and service = impeccable. The cushy pillows = to die for. Since we were the third guests, we pretty much had the whole hotel to ourselves; which meant lots and lots of attention being lavished on us (I love thai people) and sweet little surprises like the housekeeping people scribbling little "hello welcome to the Marriott, you're our third guest!" notes in our hotelroom.
so it was basically three days of being the princess of Marriott Courtyard. Which- hey, is fine by me.
we hardly went out of the hotel; so on the third day I wandered into the hotel giftshop and got goodies for the Clique, and Maxy&Ting. (who, I am beginning to suspect, have vanished from the face of Earth. where ARE you guys? ): ) I gave up on getting prezzies for the guys, though. Sorry, guys. Didn't think M.A.C and little shell pendants were your thing.

on the fourth day of the holiday:
daddy and mum got bored of the Marriott Courtyard-- sooo. we made reservations at the Marriott at another place (I know. it's complicated.) and moved there instead.
If the first Marriott was gorgeous; this one was gorgeous-ER.
daddy booked this villa-esque thing with a plunge pool right at our doorstep. it felt like something right out of the OC.

so for the next three days or so, I spent my time lounging around in the pool, watching the entire season 2 of The O.C, rereading my book about faeries, and coaxing mum and jana to be my makeshift Barbies for me to experiment different kinds of makeup on with the MAC and Bobbi Brown compacts I got back at the other Marriott. oh well. at least now I know that if I get kicked out of law school (God forbid!) then I can go into the makeup industry or something. no pressure, right?

Unlike my mum, I didn't spend a whole lot of time suntanning. I mean-- what's the point, right? if I want a tan, I can just throw on a tanktop and shorts, lie outside for an hour, and come back inside. tada. complete with new golden glow.
also, tip for anyone who's planning on making a last attempt to get bronzed before the summer ends: ... don't overdo it. six hours at sentosa in the sun and no sunscreen?
please. we're talking Giselle Bundchen here, not the inside of a rare filet mignon. give your skin some lovin' and it'll love you back.

so yeah.
seven days of r&r, writing in my diary, listening to good music, and enjoying a little bit of heaven.
purrrfect.
after all the drama that's been going on in my life lately, it's been just what the doctor ordered.
did I mention I love my family? yeah so we get a little loud/cheesy/weird sometimes. s'all in the genes. but I love them. well and truly, I do.

Aaaand.
I'm back home now.
I love airport dutyfree stores. Mum and I wandered around for a bit sampling perfumes.
ugh. some of the supposedly most expensive, most desirable perfumes smell truly vile.
I fell in love with the Vera Wang Princess perfume.
mm. it's Faerieland in a bottle, I swear.
so goodbye, Green Tea perfume; you belong to last year. and hello, Vera Wang. Cara is a happy girl.
"Vera Wang Princess for my princess."
aww.

okay now it's time to go unpack.
dance camp tomorrow and whoaaa, the holidays're flying.

take care, my lovelies.
go throw on your oversized sunshades, slather on some Coppertone and bronzing lotion, grab an iced tea and a glossy magazine and head outside to catch some rays; and we'll see who has the best tan when we get back.
no cheating with that fake-tan stuff, though. I know a real tan when I see one.

ready?
on three.

...go.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

hello, old friend. 8:32 AM

her heels are high,
her eyes are low,
and maybe she doesn't know how to love;
----

hello, universe.

Okay, so updates.

update #1: my bloodtest results came back today.
Apparently I have mycoplasma (read: my-koh plaz-mah). Which, according to the doctor, is walking pneumonia. A healthy antibody ratio is, apparently, 1:40 but mine turned out to be 1:160 so that isn't good.
wonderful, Cara. Y'know, for once in your life, you could do with a little less drama.
so yeah. I'm not allowed any strenuous activity for the next few weeks. Had a maaajor tiff with my parents over whether or not I'll be allowed to exercise at all. They said no but I stuck to my guns and said yes, yes, I don't care, I cannot stay still, yes I'll take it slow; so eventually I got my way. The doctor says I'm only allowed verrrry light exercise though, and apparently I won't be able to hit my maximum stamina and symptoms of mycoplasma also include decreased stamina and depression so look out ahead, Cara, it's gonna be a ride.
albeit a very slow one.

but the worst part is: I can't take part in track nationals.
...you know what; I don't even want to talk about this any more.
I hate being the Almost Girl.

moving on.

update #2: the lotr concert was tres magnifique. I kid you not. I was bouncing up and down in my seat, especially during the elven songs and the Ride of the Rohirrim. Ethan Elessar and Luthien Inglorion're two awesome fans, yaw. every now and then we would lean over and whisper "...Anduril!" or "...Look, Lothlorien!" or, in my case-- "omigosh zomigosh look look LOOK Rivendell!" and then breathe a happy "...I love Rivendell." before sinking back into our seats.
I started wheezing halfway through the concert though, and I could feel my chest rattling, it was scary. Ethan hurry up and become a doctor so my mind'll be at ease.
...digressing. I loved the concert. I really did. It was worth every cent.

update #3: I'm leaving for teh beach holiday tomorrow!
and I'm not even packed. Ohmigosh. I haven't even packed my clothes yet.
or, in my mum's words: "Cara's theory about packing is to go there and buy a whole new wardrobe."
not. parents can be so mean. hmf.
Sooo anyway. I went to the library today and borrowed three books about faeries and one book about mermaids and one book about sweet sixteen, so I think I'm pretty set.
not expecting to meet any Austin/Tom/Alex so most of the time I think I'll be by the pool.
I can't wait.

update #4:
no, RJ, I am not a ditz by nature. I swear.
I miss the Clique. some people have been so awesome and honestly I don't know where I would be without them. You know who you are. I love you guys so much. thank you for helping me through all the crap and still keeping faith in me.

I'm in a weird mood now.
So much has changed and so much has happened and some of the stuff isn't so good.
But hey, no sad thoughts yeah? The sad stuff doesn't sell.

it's still summer so I won't complain.

g'bye, y'all. I won't be home for a while.

happy holidays, amigos.

Monday, June 2, 2008

hello, old friend. 7:08 AM

In parking lots and breaking hearts, we can keep these scars alive
From when we were almost seventeen and all of our days were golden;
----

Summer & Marissa Day.

Finally.
To cut a long story short, it was a weird day.
For some strange reason people stared everywhere we went; and it wasn't just the usual casual glancing up at people because they've just entered the room type of thing. It was outright blatant staring and I'm pretty sure I'm not exaggerating.
Stop and staaareeee...

Chijmes was beautiful.
It felt a little weird, seeing as how I haven't been there in some time; but hey.
I'm always up for making new memories.
We met a nice European tourist man who thought we were tourists so he helped us take pictures at the spiral staircase.
Going to places like Chijmes make me just really wanna travel to places like Rome and Venice and Romania. So, so pretty. Spare me the skyscrapers and the city traffic puzzles and the starbucks lining fifth avenue; just give me old cathedral arcs that shout hallelujah to the sky and ancient rock and ruin and legend-- lots of it, steep the streets the stars the city in it.

throughout the day people kept staring so in the end
we tested it out one last time by walking into Starbucks and sure enough, this whole table of people looked up and then just kept staring.
so we walked up to them, put on our best "hey ohemgee I'm a bimbo!" voice and went, "heyyy. y'know people've been staring at us a whole lot today and we were wondering, like, if we had, like, anything on our hair, or like, anything. Is like, anything wrong with our hair or dresses or makeup?"

their expressions to that were truly funny. I almost gave us away by bursting out laughing.
they were all just, like. "....*incredulous look*...Um. No."

"ohmygosh are you suuuuuure?"
"Um. ...yes?"
"okay love you thank you so much!"
and then I did this queer little ditzy flounce and we did our ditz walk outta the cafe joint.

randomness. pretending to be a ditz's dead fun.

Nighttime: headed to The Loof.
One thing I hold against most local live bands is that the music overpowers the vocals. Every and any time. Also the bands playing seemed to take the whole "Concert for the Deaf" thing a little too literally? Like excuse me we have eardrums.

Still. Whatever.

So I just lay there on the rooftop couch surrounded by girls in black mascara and boys in dark tattered-on-purpose jeans and tanned skin and watched the lead singers headbang their way through the songs
and having nothing else to do,
chose to lose myself in the riffs and the pounding beats
one two three too fast too furious for me
lost myself in the crowd of a struggling generation

"Turn me on
I just wanna feel alive"

on and on it plays in my head,
caught in my mind in a butterfly net
and pounding through my chest my ribs my lungs because
a little lately this has been my heartsong
and I wonder how it could have come to this. (?)

--- THE NEXT DAY----

at eleven in the morning my sister came into the room
"... Wen Loong's here!"

Cue for Cooper and I to sit up groggily.
"...huh?"

Then the Grumpy Morning Cara took over.
"Well I'm not feeling good and I'm still sleepy I'm gonna sleep more."
So. I rolled over and promptly fell asleep again untilllll Kat went out of the room to meet the boyfriend and yeah. I decided to go out and be nice.

so we watched the OC and then went out and watched Made of Honour and tried to teach Atwood how t'smile. (we failed. miserably.)
mulled over the many Cohen choices.
"Summerrrr you've gotta go out there and get yourself a Seth!"
"but I don't want a Seth, I want a Zach."

"so what happened to Zach, anyway? Like. How'd he turn all weird on Summer?"
"He...was protective. Very protective. Which is ironic, and peculiar; because that kinda would sound familiar to you, wouldn't it."

went for a run later on in the evening and started coughing. again.
this is so frustrating I honestly don't know where to go from here now.
sometimes in my darkest moments I wish with all my heart that _____________ but no. I know better than to wish that.

Do you remember the time
when you and I were fine?
Hiding under the apple tree,
there was no one but you and me
We would hide from passing cars
and we would have the summer stars

talking to Bran now.
Gosh I miss the AU Oldies; miss them like crazy,
what happened to our Golden Age and plans of moving in together?
but I guess people change and times change; and I of all people should know.

(It's 2:00 am and the night's only begun
Will this be a fist fight or our best case of amnesia?
Make these tables your ballroom floors
And dance like there’s no one watching you; )

oh how long will I be waiting?