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♥ precious.
la bella vita;

Cara

loves: black and white photography. poetry. vintage stores. thunderstorms. good ambience. fairytales. disneyworld. black kohl and fuschia lipstick. red and purple skittles. turquoise beads. icing but not cakes. might-have-beens. the dandy warhols. within temptation. automatic loveletter. mediaeval baebes. troy. interview with a vampire. the oc. making 11:11 wishes. purple glitter. mermaids. my-little-ponies. magic.

expertise: melodramaticks. eyeliner. laughing. goodbyes. hanging in there.

♥ music on, world off.
shh.

soundtrack to life.

♥ scream(?).
live.

♥ past .
instant time travel

December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010

♥ adieu .
set them free

AMANDA
ANDRE
ASH
DEB
ELEMM
07IP04!
08IP04!
JOSH
KAT
LISA
QIU
RENJEAN


♥ credits .
thankyouverymuch

Designer: 01 02
Image: 03
Hosts: 04 05 06
Brushes: 07 08 09 10
Fonts: 11

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Monday, May 5, 2008
hello, old friend. 8:27 AM


is looking at pictures of other people's drama productions on facebook.

I have realized
that I miss the stage.

1. I miss the bright round circles of light in my eyes
2. and the vague ambiguity of the audience's faces in the background,
one two three four everyone looks the same
3. I miss the costumes and the props that soon become home
4. the feel of polished mahogany under my bare toes during rehearsals
5. the way everyone falls silent when you get caught up in character during an audition,
the way they hang on to your every word
much in the same way that people listen intently to you at AA and self-help meetings
because they realize that you are dying
and therefore what you say must hold so much more meaning than it would
if you were going to live to be eighty
and live in a white picketed fenced house with four grandkids and a pet golden retriever.
6. I miss the funny warmups that made us improvise with lips and brooms and grotesque face expressions
7. miss suffering for my art
8. miss the applause and the cheers and the silence
9. miss breathing in experience and breathing out dialogue that makes the audience laugh, cry, go home with their hearts riddled through with the little arrows of the little bits and pieces of script and song
10. miss the feeling of being onstage and knowing that Anything Is.

but I guess most of all
I miss having an excuse
to be someone else

to live, breathe, eat, feed off, dream, be someone else
for days weeks months and sometimes even years because sometimes some characters stay with you for a lifetime

they never quite die, even after Stage Night
never quite disappear after the final bow

they stay with you and sneak into the little crevices
whisper sweet sibilant nothings into the echoes of your psyche and
after some time has passed you realize that you have bred a race of vampires
and you can never kill them, no, nor will you want to
if they're vampires then you must be something right out of a nightmare.


can't wait till I graduate
as much as I love sports, my first love will always be the stage and the songs and the scripts and always and ever the stagelights (on or off)
if I had my way, once I graduate I'd join some small liberal arts school
with saints and sinners and queers like me
make a living off poetry and black coffee and onset improvisation




I miss the stage.
I want to go home.