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♥ precious.
la bella vita;

Cara

loves: black and white photography. poetry. vintage stores. thunderstorms. good ambience. fairytales. disneyworld. black kohl and fuschia lipstick. red and purple skittles. turquoise beads. icing but not cakes. might-have-beens. the dandy warhols. within temptation. automatic loveletter. mediaeval baebes. troy. interview with a vampire. the oc. making 11:11 wishes. purple glitter. mermaids. my-little-ponies. magic.

expertise: melodramaticks. eyeliner. laughing. goodbyes. hanging in there.

♥ music on, world off.
shh.

soundtrack to life.

♥ scream(?).
live.

♥ past .
instant time travel

December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010

♥ adieu .
set them free

AMANDA
ANDRE
ASH
DEB
ELEMM
07IP04!
08IP04!
JOSH
KAT
LISA
QIU
RENJEAN


♥ credits .
thankyouverymuch

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Saturday, January 17, 2009
hello, old friend. 11:09 PM

As the winter fades I'll slowly become what you hate.
You'll say that I'm pretending, chances are this road will lead us different ways.
---


Today somebody reminded me that I hadn't updated in eonzzzz so
here
is your update.

Yesterday: SAA X-Ctry Championships. 1 X reservoir --> ie 4.3km.
It was all right, I think; I ran what I could but I'm not sure of my timing yet. The dustcloud that was kicked up by the drumming of a hundred hundred feet at the start line was IMMENSE. I kid you not. It was a Sahara-worthy sandstorm within itself; it was literally "eat my dust, n00b!"
Muse was on constant repeat in my head throughout the whole thing:

"i want it now
i want it now
give me your heart and your so-ul"

and it sang skipped repeated. over and over and over.

"give me your heart and your soul"
"give me your heart and your soul"

I'd forgotten what actually racing felt like-- the white hot burn; the pain; the transcending into a whole new self when you can barely feel your own face and your own breath sears in and out through your lungs and somewhere through the static you reach in through the delirium and will your legs to carry you through.

so yeah.
Welcome back to the Real World, Neo.

I had the run of the laptop that night so I logged on and Joe and I talked till his library closed.
because we're cool like that. and also because tectonic plates suck.
Oh, for Pangaea!!!
Thennnn I talked to Tyler and bloghopped and read internet poetry and attempted (pivotal word: attempted) to do up the OM script but it didn't work and I was left staring at the one line I'd typed out on Microsoft Word: "...WELCOME TO SINGAPORE."
Which technically wasn't even an original line; it was Chow Yun Fatt's.
Bummer. :/
I NEED INSPIRATION RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW. I'm talking big; talking epic; talking lightning-bolts-flashing-across-a-darkened-sky. Because at this rate, OM isn't gonna stand for Odyssey of the Mind any more-- it's just gonna stand for 'Orrible Mess.

...and to You: I'm sorry about you-know-what but you should have known better; you said it yourself before; I'm a hard one to break and you know it. I love you but your neediness terrifies me sometimes.

Today
I was actually three minutes early for church
applause please.

Deb Manda and I took a lovely long busride (r/ship drama! i swear we're absolute magnets for the stuff) and went down to the Esplanade to see the Museum of Broken Relationships.
I'd have donated something as requested but it ended up being too much hassle.
Some of the exhibits were really odd. Love DOES make people do strange, strange things. Sometimes I thank my lucky stars I'm not back into the whole scene because honestly sometimes it just drags you down.

...Oh, don't get me wrong.
I'm not one of those cynical, love-hurts-don't-do-it kinda people.
I like a good rom-com as much as the next person.
I just...well. I just think it can be pretty scary sometimes, how love can take a perfectly strong, perfectly complete person and make you so dependent on another heart that it can break you.
Buuuut then again love has its pretty side too, I know, because I've been there, we all have, and so we all know how it can be so beautiful it blinds.

----


so i was thinking about it last night and i started wondering why i was chasing something so fleeting. something so transcendent
and not even a palmful of sand to show for it. at least that could crumble in my hand i could let it run through my fingers and trickle through the incessant hourglass but this?
this is not what i asked for. not what i bargained for. not what i deserve.
let's face facts sweetheart it was doomed from the start and the end's nowhere in sight.
i'm sick of counting down the hours and lying awake while you're asleep and dreaming
or maybe lying awake staring at the ceiling because the chase has worn you down too.

tell myself it's not too late
that there's still time to
back
out.