Saturday, January 3, 2009
hello, old friend.
11:17 PM
breathe in deep and say goodbye;---...I've been stalling on the update for a long time coming, just because it's like if I don't actually blog about the end of IGGY, then maybe somehow it wouldn't actually have ended.:/Okay. That made more sense in my mind, but yeah.08 post'll come after this.
IGGY end update, coming right up.
IGGY PART THREE: IE END OF IGGY: IE NOOOOOO. So.Pre-gala, as always, we girls of Level Two (hands dwn the coolest level, so in your face!) got gussied up and I helped everyone with their makeup and even had time to do my own."just think, girls- this is the last time i'm gonna be able to help you with your makeup!"we walked, hand in hand, towards the Gala Dinner hall, and then suddenly everyone and everything loomed up towards us and it felt like one of those teenage movies; when we suddenly caught sight of the guys (all spiffied up and lookin' sharp) and they glanced over at us and grinned.
the first person I saw when I walked into the gala hall."CARAAAAA""SAPHIIIII""*HUG*"
wifey and me.
angels and a devil.no prizes for guessing who's who!
joe tries to steal a kiss from sid.(hey, i thought you were MY date for the gala!)
dysfunctional family (as always, minus julian) all spiffied up for the gala.(note how particularly flushed and happy Joe and Sid look here.)(also note this picture was taken right after the illicit kiss picture.)
the best pair of roomies around.period.
my wugui and me.
lee, joe r, andrew.
maahwish and cara.
my (failed) attempt at a picture with julian.
recreating our muszclez poze.
lookin' sharp!i love this picture we look so ritzy.i'd trade him my feather headpiece for his hat.
womanizer, womanizer...
kieran, konyin, michael.
"Maggie Q! Maggie Q! Can we have a picture?"...gotta love Ben.Bond pose, on request.
...and again.
i'll always remember that night.it's weird, though, it was beautiful, in its own way- but at the same time I still remember glancing up at the clock every ten minutes, praying for the countdown to hold still in a freezeframe so we could stay like this forever.I finally really know how Cinderella felt.I kept looking out at everyone and wondering if I was the only one feeling this way-- feeling this sense of dread; of a lack of time; of an impending end and a definite mortality to the magic that had woven a still small steady thread through the past two weeks.In the midst of all the laughing eyes and sashaying hips and hands being thrown into the air like proud banners, I held onto one of his fingers and we ventured to the sidelines"i need to sit this one out"because the walls were starting to close inand the clock wouldn't stop counting us down."you knowthis is probably the last time we'll ever be this way again""...i know"read finality in your friends' eyeseyes that've become so familiar, you've started to call them home.the words "the last time" ricocheted off my lips and bounced off big bronze cathedral bells and it's a wonder the sound didn't make the room crumble. it's a wonder no-one else heard themexcept meus.i don't know.i could read the same wistful longing/pre-empted nostalgia in your eyes but something told me you didn't quite understandnot the same way I didi guess it comes with experience and God knows i've had experience with goodbyes.digressing...a new song came on. and you grabbed my hand and said "we've got to dance to this one" and i didn't really want to but I went along anyway and we joined the rest of the wild limbs careening on the dance floor.I'm glad I did.one last song.Everyone joined arms and hands and swayed (sing: bohemian rhapsody!) and I didn't know the words so I just swayed along and mouthed "watermelon, watermelon" over and over again (because they say that when you forget the lyrics you should just do that because somehow it'll look like you're singing the right words...) and looked around at the hall, at everyone, at the bright flushed faces and the brighter eyes and the beatific smiles and once again the little voice inside of me screamed out, "don't they know it's going to end?"-----LAST DAY OF IGGY.- we played irish snap again, just for old times' sake.toni lost. and kept losing. nothing new there.we were blasting Bon Jovi and Paramore and Nickelback's "Photograph" over my iPod speakers and all the while I was looking around and trying to commit all this to memory: all the faces, every hand gesture, every flick of the hair, every self-conscious grin, the screams as everyone rushed to slam down their hand and Toni missed it once again."it's time to say it, time to say it-goodbyegoodbye"
last looks around the room that'd housed two human hurricanes for the past two weeks.wheeling our luggage downstairs and me closing my eyes because this felt too real.going onstage and reading my poem out loud and knowing that somewhere out there, in the audience, Toni was probably crying softly and Lydia and Beth were probably getting red-eyed.
looking at this, you'd never guess that i'd been all crying just before this picture was taken.
s'the magick of joe and sid.
tana and saine (though we didn't realize it at the time)
our last SM group picture ever.
fasttrack to the scene at the canteen:
last goodbyes = chaos.
me rushing around trying to hug everyone; the faces of friends streaked with tears as they lean over to hold you tightly and it felt like a drowning man's hold.
"look after my bra, will you?"
"i will"
...yeah, the little things we do.
i am now one bra short so saphi you'd better be grateful for it.
i've lost count of the number of times i darted back and forth, saying my goodbyes, and then turning back to say goodbye all over again.
this is how it goes: you hug the same friends once, twice, thrice, five times. kiss them on the cheek. tell them you'll see them again. yeah, you'll meet up again. this isn't goodbye, it's called "just not seeing each other for a while" and of course, yeah, we'll keep in touch- you've got facebook, don't you?
wash rinse repeat: press play and the scene shuffles to the very last goodbye
and you finally realize:
this is it.
I walked over to Toni and it broke my heart to see how she was hunched into a little ball, in her chair, tears and mascara streaming down her cheeks; with Lydia hovering around her, misty-eyed and not quite knowing what to do because the goodbyes were hurting her, too.
"bye Lydia. I love you sooooo much. I'll miss you"
one big warm final hug.
Beth was sitting in a chair by herself (she'd used my waterproof eyeliner that morning, just in case) and she leapt up and ran to hug me
"you're leaving?! no i'm going to pack you up in my suitcase i'm not going t'let you leave!"
...God knows I wish she wouldn't!!!
turned back to Toni; tapped her gingerly on the shoulder.
I craned over to glance at her and I could tell she'd already shut down. wasn't quite there.
so I did what I could: i kissed her once on the cheek, gently, and then whispered into her ear, "goodbye roomie, i love you"
and then turned to leave.
my last image of Toni is of that: of her curled brokenly in her chair with mascara stains on her cheek and it breaks my heart, even now, to think of it.
bumped into Joe on my way out of the canteen.
deep breath; last goodbye.
"gosh- there's so much to say to you but now that it's actually goodbye, i don't know what to say!"
"that's okay. i don't know what to say either."
...so we hugged. one big, long, last hug and then as i turn to go our fingers kinda hooked together- like they'd realized this was the end and they didn't want it to be-
-and then i pulled mine away and gave him; the room; everyone; iggy winter u 08 one last smile, a special smile, a Goodbye smile,
and then i turned on my heel and fled around the corner where nobody could see me
and that's when the tears started flowing.
so your heart doesn't know where mine's been
I'll never let your heart go where mine's been, love--
