Saturday, April 25, 2009
hello, old friend.
10:20 AM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEBZ- bet you thought I forgot, didn'tcha?
HA FAT CHANCE.
Love you babe I'll be seeing your works in galleries one day.
----
It's 1.20 AM.
What're you doing online, Cara, get offline, Cara, go to sleep.
Went to town with the girlz today.
Amrit the Yacht Girl, Lisa the Go-Green Tree-hugger, Gwen the Beach Babe and Jess the Country Gal.
17 Again is actually pretty good. And no- for the record: I am NOT an Efron fan- but I actually didn't quite mind him in this one. I 'ppose it's not the kid's fault he's always getting typecast in the squeaky clean, basketball chuckin', dancemove bustin' All American Boi roles.
And I laughed like anything at the elvish scenes. Best part of the movie, sez I.
Waited for a cab alone around midnight and have I mentioned I actually hate being out alone late at night? It makes me feel weird inside. Like the darkness throws all the emptiness, every bit of hollowness inside of me into sharp contrast and it niggles at my insides and makes me skim uncertain fingertips over my phone screen searching for someone/anyone to text. call. turn to. are you alive, are you alive?
It's sad but it's true.
Late nights make me vulnerable. And AMs are not my forte.
(...p.s: Lisa-- you are a Godsend.)
today Gwen asked me a random, out-of-the-blue type question:
"how do you know when you're in love?"
and I had to stop and think about that.
"...you're asking me, sweetie?"
I could probably rattle off a whole list of things that I know that love isn't...but what love IS?
The lines start getting blurry just about there.
I challenge you to think about love- real, real, real love- and define it for me. Pin it down for me. Write it on a whiteboard and jab at it with a marker and say love is this, this, this.
Chances are you won't be able to; and chances are if you can, ten years from now you'll look back and say "Damn, I was naive".
But I'm not a complete pessimist.
My take on things is-- why screw yourself around grilling yourself on whether or not you think/know it's love, right?
If the person makes you smile, and if the person makes you feel safe... I say go for it.
...who knows? Maybe one day I'll even take a leaf from my own book.
And on that note-- goodnight. Exhaustion and late night smells of tangerine and almond legitimize incoherency.abruptness.
spkng in abbrvtns? no prblm its bn a lng hrd wk.
So now-- sleep.
Now's not the age to be getting sentimental.
XXX