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♥ precious.
la bella vita;

Cara

loves: black and white photography. poetry. vintage stores. thunderstorms. good ambience. fairytales. disneyworld. black kohl and fuschia lipstick. red and purple skittles. turquoise beads. icing but not cakes. might-have-beens. the dandy warhols. within temptation. automatic loveletter. mediaeval baebes. troy. interview with a vampire. the oc. making 11:11 wishes. purple glitter. mermaids. my-little-ponies. magic.

expertise: melodramaticks. eyeliner. laughing. goodbyes. hanging in there.

♥ music on, world off.
shh.

soundtrack to life.

♥ scream(?).
live.

♥ past .
instant time travel

December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010

♥ adieu .
set them free

AMANDA
ANDRE
ASH
DEB
ELEMM
07IP04!
08IP04!
JOSH
KAT
LISA
QIU
RENJEAN


♥ credits .
thankyouverymuch

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Sunday, May 24, 2009
hello, old friend. 11:55 PM

"I've been breathing seven thousand days now, but I've only been alive a year or two"
---


So term break's begun.
...Though technically it's faaar from being a term break because crucial exams begin the DAY school starts again and I am so unprepared qu-09rqwoidkl.
...Uh huh, and spending half an hour blogging this is sooo gonna help me out of my predicament, not.

My productivity level has been suffering some serious Law of Diminishing Returns (definition: LDMR states that as more of a variable factor is used in conjunction with a fixed factor of production, eventually the marginal product of the variable input will decline. applicable only to SRAC. See, Ms Tan? I'm not that much of an epically phailing Econz student after all)

ASEAN Summit next week,
Australia next month (next next week),
and Summer U next next month.

Ho there, girl, reins up, full speed ahead.

Mum: *parades around the room in her newly tailored ripped (oxymoron? I know) jeans*
Dad: Su, you look like a hobum in that.
Mum: o_O
Me: o_O
Mum: Hobum?
Dad: Yeah. You know. Hobum. Raggle taggle hippy person.
Me: ...Dad; it's either a "street bum" or a "hobo". Nnno such thing as a hobum. Whatever that is.

Poppy: (warning me about the dangers of Evil White Men) ...But Cara, you know. White men beat up their wives!
Gong: *agrees gravely*
Me: Haha...I'm sure.
Gong: It's true.
Poppy: *in perfect earnest* ...Sometimes even murder them.

Ohh yeah.
And people wonder why I turned out the way I did.

Yesterday was disgusting.
Sometimes this place is a loony bin, I swear. Move over, Girl Interrupted.
hurricanes in suburban houses, her face contorting and twisting like an ugly marionette trying to cry, him taking her side even when she's wrong. Always. In some countries they call that loyalty but over here we just call it p___whipped.
senseless. all of this, you, us: senseless.
words I will not easily forget nor forgive.

I escape to the rooftop and sit there, arms pulling knees close,
sea-blue nightdress amidst the grey concrete and rafters.
The busy phone line on the other end says, "...sweetheart you've got to deal with this one on your own."

So I do.
And it's a little harder than the last time; but I just about manage it,
see, this is why I am afraid to become anything but
unreachable.

The little sister climbs over our balcony parapet and joins me on the rooftop a little while later, and we sit there talking about Could Bes and how nightskies move so that the stars look like they are
"I wish we had a Peter Pan to come and fly us away to Neverland"

I go to sleep early that night.
Good intentions I slept through tug at my purple-sleeved elbow, warn me not to go back the way I did.

Woke up today thinking things might be different.
Ha, and ha.

See the thing is the less you take your little colourful pills and the more your dependence and the louder your screams on the phoneline and against my skin and the brighter the delirium in your eyes when you rampaged through Civilia "SOMEBODY HAD BETTER CONTROL ME I'M GOING MAD I'M GOING MAD"

...the stronger my conviction that you don't have a damn idea what's "good for me".


So
I'll sign on the dotted line myself if I have to.
If you thought I would kneel and apologize for forgiveness like you wanted
you were sorely mistaken, my sweet.

she did
but it's not going to happen with me.