{ and we'll play summer on repeat;

♥ precious.

la bella vita;

Cara

loves: black and white photography. poetry. vintage stores. thunderstorms. good ambience. fairytales. disneyworld. black kohl and fuschia lipstick. red and purple skittles. turquoise beads. icing but not cakes. might-have-beens. the dandy warhols. within temptation. automatic loveletter. mediaeval baebes. troy. interview with a vampire. the oc. making 11:11 wishes. purple glitter. mermaids. my-little-ponies. magic.

expertise: melodramaticks. eyeliner. laughing. goodbyes. hanging in there.

♥ music on, world off.

shh.

♥ scream(?).

live.

♥ past .

instant time travel

December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010

♥ adieu .

set them free

AMANDA
ANDRE
ASH
DEB
ELEMM
07IP04!
08IP04!
JOSH
KAT
LISA
QIU
RENJEAN

♥ credits .

thankyouverymuch

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Image: 03
Hosts: 04 05 06
Brushes: 07 08 09 10
Fonts: 11

Hit Counter

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

hello, old friend. 4:06 AM

"stick at it like a benni addict"

----

So...Today wasn't such a great day.

Don't get me wrong.

It's not as if anything epically catastrophical happened. No bang in the sky, no sudden falling out of the floor beneath my feet, no flash of white light and crash of thunder.

Just the quiet, unspectacular return to the mundane regime that I'd almost put to the back of my mind;

and I'm beginning to realize that when I return,

this greyness will be terrifying.

Some days it gets hard to breathe.

It's too small in here, too concrete city claustrophobic and it's like clawing your way up past leagues of ocean water, lungs burning, only to have your fingers touch the surface and realize it's turned to ice.

At one point today I even asked myself if it was worthwhile going; if that meant everything would be so much harder when I came back. The old visit-Heaven-for-a-day allegory. Pondered if maybe, maybe, maybe....

but then I tried envisioning myself NOT going- and I couldn't.

Not after everything.

And I don't want to look back and think "...that could have been the Perfect Summer- and I missed it because I was afraid of getting hurt."

Today during the Council Investiture they sang this self-composed song that was pretty cheesy but also pretty cute; in the whole let's-link-arms-and-sway-out-of-syncedly way; and then one line jumped out at me

"don't cry because it's over;

smile because it happened"

...Okay. Must confess that initially I did cringe a little when I heard it, but. But then I thought about it, and realized that it actually kinda did make sense.

EASIER SAID THAN DONE THOUGH.

But whatever.

If it comes down to Head vs Heart; ...Head, you've gotta win!!!

Plus I know I've got an amazing support system over here- yay DWL + cell kids + other awesome individuals- and I'm going to put a big damn smile on my face and MEAN it because it's only 18 days to takeoff and I should be the happiest girl in the world right now.

Sometimes I wish I didn't think so much.

Would make Life a whoooole lot easier.

Strength, little girl; strength and hope and grace and joy.

People go on.

"-- but that's all right because now everything'll be all right & we'll soothe the forever boys & girls & before we're thru we'll find a name for this Goddam Golden Eternity & tell a story too-"