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♥ precious.
la bella vita;

Cara

loves: black and white photography. poetry. vintage stores. thunderstorms. good ambience. fairytales. disneyworld. black kohl and fuschia lipstick. red and purple skittles. turquoise beads. icing but not cakes. might-have-beens. the dandy warhols. within temptation. automatic loveletter. mediaeval baebes. troy. interview with a vampire. the oc. making 11:11 wishes. purple glitter. mermaids. my-little-ponies. magic.

expertise: melodramaticks. eyeliner. laughing. goodbyes. hanging in there.

♥ music on, world off.
shh.

soundtrack to life.

♥ scream(?).
live.

♥ past .
instant time travel

December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010

♥ adieu .
set them free

AMANDA
ANDRE
ASH
DEB
ELEMM
07IP04!
08IP04!
JOSH
KAT
LISA
QIU
RENJEAN


♥ credits .
thankyouverymuch

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Wednesday, November 4, 2009
hello, old friend. 7:53 AM





Today has been up down and in between.

1. Up:
Thank you, Jesus.

2. Down:
Let it go like you said you would.

3. In between:
more Downtown time at Holland Village.
I went to get my hair done, because Mum wanted to get me cheered up, and Uncle Derrick gave me soft curls at the end of it and I went around for the next hour or so feeling as light and floaty as my hair.
He asked me how many boyfriends I had.
I said one.
He asked for a picture.
I showed it to him.
He gave a slight start and went, "...white??"
and I laughed.
My boyfriend could be green with tangerine polka dots for all I care, and I'd still love him. (and laugh at him maybe, but just a little bit)
People are amusing little individuals sometimes.

Spent the rest of the day doing Chinese, looking at pretty pictures in soft focus and melancholy light, and watching old black and white videos.
I'm not as upset over It now as some people probably think I should be. I think the rain has a way of washing away things, and today's rain was nice...just the soft, insistent kind. The kind that traps you at home but you don't mind so much because it doesn't feel so much of being trapped as being protected. Like when I was little and whenever it rained I would make a nest out of duvets and lie there in that cool, dark, safe warmth feeling like nothing could reach me.

Long jaunt around town with Lisa, yesterday.
Icecream cones and velvety memories, intimate secrets.
We talked about how scary it is that now everyone's growing up and next year will be exceptionally strange because next year we'll have to stare the Future straight in the eye. And about how much we've all changed since the end of last year; since the start of this year. How some of us have lost a little bit of innocence of spirit, and some of us- wildness of heart.

And it's sad; how we're never going to get those little girls back.

But I guess when it comes down to it, everyone's always reinventing. And as much as I think I'm old sometimes (we were around when Westlife and Boys 2 Men were still cool, dammit. We were around when MJ died. And when Hi Five was THE original Hi Five), I'm only seventeen, and like Joe said- I shouldn't be afraid of the Me Down The Road; because she won't be a complete stranger, 'cause she'll just be a gradual evolution of all my gradual evolutions.

Hm.

Lisa and I also talked about how everything eventually fades, and we all eventually move on.
How after a while, we'll look back and wonder if we dreamed up all of this.


I don't want that.
Stupid Alzheimer's of the heart.